I’m just gonna come right out and say it… but before I do, you need to know that I haven’t always been comfortable with what I am about to say. It used to bother me to say it out loud, and if it’s never said out loud it’s somehow not true. But I’ve come to accept the fact that (are you ready for it?) I am an introvert. And I also have social anxiety.

I am an introvert. And I also have social anxiety.

Big deal, right? You may be thinking whoop-a-dee-doo! But I’m telling you, it’s not always easy to accept a label you wish you could change. However, in just the past few years I’ve learned to not only accept it, but OWN it, and even have pride in it.

I’ve learned to not only accept it, but OWN it, and even have pride in it.

I’m not going to pretend to be an expert on this topic because that would be a lie. To be honest, I’m not always sure where the line has crossed from just being introverted to being anxious. It all kind of blends together. But I do have a lifetime of experience with both and I recognize it in some of my kids as well. One of them absolutely despises her introverted nature, while others really tend to be happy with it.

Some introvert qualities may easily be noticed by others, while others are more subtle. And not all introverts are going to display all the same traits. But if your child is displaying these tendencies or traits, please allow them to be who they are without forcing him/her into a situation that is uncomfortable for them. Let’s discuss some of these, shall we?

There is such a thing as too much people-ing.

People are great, they really are, but have you ever heard the saying ‘too much of a good thing’? I love people as much as the next guy, but I prefer smaller groups to larger ones. And even being around a group of people for too long makes me a little insane. My daughter pointed out to me just a couple of months ago that any time my husband’s family is over (there are a lot of them!) she always knows where to find me if I’ve disappeared; I’ll be in my bedroom. Honestly, I had never realized that I do this, but I’ve caught myself sneaking into my bedroom for short 5-10 minute breaks when there’s a large crowd in my home.

People think we are either shy or stuck-up.

True story. Because we are inward thinkers and doers, we don’t always talk a lot. Many people mistake us for being ‘shy’, ‘stuck-up’, or ‘quiet’. You get me around a group of people I know really well, and I promise I’m not going to be quiet. My oldest daughter absolutely despises this about herself. She is known as one of two ‘quiet captains’ on her high school dance team, but no matter how loud she tries to make herself, it just doesn’t work. Want to know why? It’s not who she is. When she was younger, she would go to church or school activities and the leaders and chaperones would tell my husband and I they weren’t sure if our daughter had a good time or not because she had been so quiet. I can assure you she had a good time based on the earful we got from her about how much fun she had. We couldn’t get her to shut up!

Smaller groups are usually better.

I know I already mentioned this, but it’s worth noting again that an introvert is more likely to open up if there aren’t too many people around. It’s overwhelming, and we might shut down if there is a large crowd.

Your phone call might be ignored.

Alright! I admit it! If I see your name come up on caller ID, and I am not ready to talk to you right then, you’ll be getting a call later after I’ve prepared myself for the conversation. This is especially true if I don’t know what you could be calling about (I’ll wait for a message to call back) or if I have to give you an answer to something that I have to say no to or am not sure how to answer yet. Again, I’m not sure if this fits under social anxiety or introverted nature, but since we’re talking about both, there it is.

Children don’t mind playing alone.

My 8-year-old son loves to play alone. He would do it for hours if his brothers would leave him be. He’s my child that tells me quite often that “there are too many people living in this house”. (Too much people-ing.) Sometimes I don’t think he’d mind if we got rid of some of his seven siblings. Which siblings to do away with would depend on the day. He’s not anti-social; He just doesn’t want people around all day long, either. It really frustrates him at times. For the record, he plans on only having two kids.

We need time to ourselves.

After a long day of people-ing, it’s essential that I get some me time. Watching some TV after the kids go to bed is a great reset. I love me some good shows to de-stress and wind down. And since I’m a night owl, it works perfectly! My oldest daughter prefers to sit down with a good book or do homework, and my third daughter plays her violin.

Few friends, lots of love.

Introverts tend to have a smaller group of friends than most of their extrovert counterparts. However, the friendships we develop will often be deeper than most as well. We are picky about who we let in and we hold them very dear to our hearts. I don’t need a huge group of friends. I’ve always told my daughter that you really only need a few good friends in life, and as an introvert, that has been true for her as well. She knows quite a few people, but she really holds tight to the few that she holds dearest to her heart.

Invite me to a party, but don’t expect me to be there.

This is a BIG one! Parties are fun… but not always for an introvert with social anxiety. Please keep inviting me to your event because I might actually decide to show up, but don’t take it personally if I don’t. It really has nothing to do with the way I feel about you or your party. I’m just not sure I’m ready to handle it.

Small talk is torture!

It really is. It feels fake. It’s pointless and meaningless. For an introvert, small talk is worse than nails on a chalkboard. We don’t know how to keep it going, and it is awkward. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve wanted to start a conversation with someone but been clueless as to how to start. Perfect strangers end up hearing about how my baby hasn’t pooped for three days or how my nursing pads need to be changed because she’s having a growth spurt and has been sleeping all day. I mean, these are the important topics, right? For real, it has to be real life… none of this phony small talk business. If we’re going to become friends, let’s cut to the chase! Even ending a phone conversation is horrific! YOU have to be the one to say goodbye and hang up, otherwise, it ends up with both of us saying goodbye about 15 times before someone finally ends the call.

Canceled plans and rainy days are the best.

Most people hate rainy days. I actually love them! They make me happy. I try to be sad when the rain cancels our long-awaited family plan of having a picnic at the park, but I’m secretly throwing a party in my mind. Any time I have plans with a group of people, I secretly hope it gets canceled. As an example… we as a contributor team were invited to do something I had never even thought about doing. I RSVP’d that I was going, and my daughters made me stick to it even though I thought about changing my reply to a no a few times. They weren’t going to allow it. Some of my kids had been sick that week, so I knew there was a possibility of my baby being sick by the time we had the event. No such luck. I thought about using it as an excuse anyway but chose not to. Instead, I showed up and the door was locked for a while. My wish was coming true! Nobody was there to let us in… too bad. But alas, the door opened just in time. Great! There was no turning back now. And guess what. It was so much fun! It’s something I never would have thought about doing, but I did it and had a blast!

I think with both an introverted nature and social anxiety, it can be hard to push yourself outside of your comfort zone. I’ve chosen recently to really work on this (thus being a part of this blog team) in order to be an example to my children, and also better myself. It’s much easier to just stay home and do the things I know are comfortable, yet at the same time, I know I can learn and grow so much from others. And I always have so much fun when I do.

If you have a child who might display some introvert or anxiety qualities, challenge them to be a little uncomfortable at times for growth. Praise them when they do, but please don’t force anything on them. You’ll never transform an introvert to be an extrovert, and you shouldn’t want to. Being such is not anything to be ashamed of. This world needs us! Just invite them to try something outside of their comfort zone here and there. They might surprise themselves.

Fellow introverts, thoughts?

I’d love to hear from you about your journey with this topic. What has helped your social anxiety? What do you love about being an introvert? What is your favorite quality about yourself whether you are an introvert, extrovert, or extroverted introvert?