I’ve been a stay at home Mama since I was 6 weeks pregnant. Morning sickness was a battle that kept beating me down to the point where if I didn’t take a Zofran (anti-nausea medication) I would be in the bathroom all day unable to eat or drink anything. It was a total nightmare!
I’ve been home every single day ever since. I admit, I’m almost 22 years old and I am totally terrified of driving. So leaving the house hasn’t been much of an option unless my man or my MIL was or is able to take me somewhere. So that being said, I have been stranded in the house, sometimes for days. And when you’re so isolated it starts to drive you crazy.
It started in junior high
My depression really started back in 7th or 8th grade – junior high years were really rough. I was going through my parent’s divorce, on top of being bullied by some people who I thought were friends. At that point in time, I didn’t know how to ask for help. I just kept it locked up inside. Through the years it continued to get worse. In high school, my life was a mess. I was stressing to get good grades and living with only one parent who was stressing about the bills. Finally I told my Dad that I needed help. I saw a psychiatrist and was on my first medication. But, being a teenager, I stopped taking it.
As time went on, many more events happened in my high school life that I ended up withdrawing from school. Years later, after getting pregnant and being home all day with nowhere to go, that depression started to creep up on me again. My man and I moved out to live on our own and let’s just say that we live in the middle of nowhere.
Depression crept back
Being home all day with a toddler, is tough! You are so lost that you have no clue what to do. Not just for yourself, but for your family too. Your kid is teething, starts getting an attitude, and gets to the point of throwing a huge tantrum because you won’t let them flush the toilet when you’re on it! Being a Mom is the best job in the world, but it is totally the hardest one.
I got so depressed that I didn’t want to get out of bed in the morning, but I had to. I have my son depending on me. I didn’t want to clean the house, do the dishes, take out the trash, etc. I just wanted to sit on my couch and watch TV all day. (Even if it was just an antenna that gave us a few channels to watch.) I didn’t ever take care of myself. I didn’t shower every day (I know. I’m terrible.) I would go days without one, which obviously took my confidence down to a -2 out of 10. I didn’t eat right. I would just grab a box of Twinkies and a 12 pack of Mtn Dew and call it good. Eating healthy was not an option at the time. I would feed my son healthy, but I just stopped caring about me.
It was time to take care of me
Depression took me down to a dark place that I was starting to be afraid I would never get out of. But finally, I told myself, “It’s time to take care of yourself. You matter. You have people depending on you. If you don’t help yourself now, you will never get better.” So I went to a doctor and was put on medication. I’ve been on it for over a month, and have been a good girl and taking it every day. I even take vitamins now.
It’s time to take care of yourself. You matter. You have people depending on you. If you don’t help yourself now, you will never get better.
Now, I clean my house every day. I do the dishes (even if they’re yucky!) I clean my kitchen, my bathroom, and even my bedroom. Being on my medication has helped me so much, my attitude has improved immensely. I shower! Sometimes I even put on my makeup even if I have nowhere to go.
Depression is a real thing. If you need to talk to your doctor, do it. It is so important to take care of yourself. And remember – you matter!
