It took me over four years after becoming a mom to begin to find myself again. And it didn’t happen at all how I expected! I’ve written before about the struggle to make friends in a new place, especially when you have small kids. I dipped my toe into mom groups, book clubs, and social apps, but never really found the right fit. I’ve also been searching for a hobby that’s just for me. My life before having kids was quite different. I spent my free time painting, reading, or hanging out with friends in bars. But after starting a family, my previous life no longer appealed. I’m far less interested in heading out for happy hour and, more surprising to me, I no longer want to paint. It took me a long time to figure this out and then even longer to give myself permission to let it go. I work in the arts, I studied art at school, and I’ve been making art my whole life. While I still enjoy being creative, especially with my kids, I am no longer interested in “being an artist.”
But what does that mean for me now? Who am I without what I thought was my passion?
I felt quite lost.
But then, on a whim, I started running. I have dabbled in all kinds of exercise in the past, but nothing really stuck. I gave up altogether once I had kids, claiming that I didn’t have the time or the energy to add anything else to my plate. But for some reason, this past January, running appealed to me. I could do it solo, I could do it in a gym or outside, I could set clear goals (I like goals), and it wouldn’t cost much money in gear (ha!). So I started. At first, I couldn’t even run a mile without taking a walking break, but I persevered. I did my first 5K race in April, which happened to be a trail race. I discovered the Idaho Falls Trail Runners group on Facebook and their women’s run every Monday evening. I was terrified and almost didn’t go to the first one, but it was awesome. I kept going. I went almost every Monday evening from May through October.
The group includes women of all different abilities and is incredibly supportive. I cannot yet maintain much of a conversation while I am actually running (too much heavy breathing over here), but there are always breaks and opportunities to chat. I ran a 10K in July and a half marathon in August (!!). In early November, a few of us headed down to Moab for an adventure half marathon, and I have plans for a 25K and a possible 32K next year. I feel like a completely different person. Running gives me a break from the chaos of family and work life, it allows me to clear my head, it feels amazing when I accomplish faster times or longer distances. Trail running takes me out into the wilderness, which I love, and introduced me to the absolute high of running downhill after a steep climb. The community of trail runners here in Idaho Falls is truly amazing, and I particularly love that they always, ALWAYS take a selfie group photo on every run.
If you had told me a year ago that I would be running 13.1 miles up mountains by choice and for fun, I would have laughed in your face.
But it seems that I have found a new passion and a new community in the absolute last place that I would have expected.
The moral of the story here is that you’re probably not the same person you were before you had kids. If you’re struggling to find yourself and the whole idea of “self care” is mystifying because you don’t know what that means for you, then I challenge you to look in new places. Finding “mom friends” does not have to be limited to mom groups, and maybe it’s about finding the thing that you want to do first before finding the people who like to do it too.
