I stood nervously in the music tent, my heart pounding in my chest. I watched my son confidently stride across the stage of our small-town talent show and boldly exclaim that he would solve four different Rubik’s cubes randomly scrambled by the audience. The perfectly suspenseful music filled the air and his fingers furiously began to solve the cubes. As he began his fourth and final cube he effortlessly fell into a full split position. (Yes, the splits!) Pride and awe pushed out the nervousness I so strongly felt. As the audience cheered after the completion of his task- I instantly reflected on how far my son had come. As a three-year-old, he had slight physical limitations that needed to be corrected by a core-strengthening sport. Swimming or gymnastics were the recommended options by the physical therapist. Not only did he need physical assistance- he was painfully shy and quiet. He needed safety in order to tolerate being separated from me. That is how we met Melissa. She not only taught gymnastics out of her home- she had a safe, soft spirit that allowed my son the space he needed to learn to be away from me. Her gentle pushing not only strengthened his body (and made him incredibly flexible) but built the courage he needed to show himself to the world in many different arenas. Melissa was a starting point and she consistently helped mold him from a very timid little boy to a quiet, strong, self-assured ten-year-old. As I recognized her role in bringing him to that talent show stage, I felt extreme gratitude. Grateful that Melissa is my friend. Grateful that her soft but undaunted spirit chose to share herself with me and my family.
I have known Melissa for many years. She has taught my children gymnastics. She taught me how to swim. She has been a support in physical endeavors like hiking table rock as well as important family events including bringing me dinner after a miscarriage. We have discussed topics from the show Parenthood to how trauma affects the brain. Yet, as I sat down to interview her I amazingly realized there were so many things I did not know. This work of leaning into the details of people’s lives is powerful. While I have always found comfort in her welcoming softness I realized how inspired I am by her adventurous, fun spirit.
Always up for a challenge and fun
Melissa is always up for a challenge- admittedly not afraid to show off to gain a reaction from those around her. If there is a cliff from which to jump, a mountain to climb, a triathlon in which to compete or a snow hill to descend- Melissa is ready. As a fifteen-year-old Melissa accepted a dare to join a cheerleading squad in their traditional last cheer at a state tournament. Can you imagine a cheerleading squad getting into their final formation and suddenly a stranger appears and performs the cheer right along with them? Although it came with the real threat of getting beat up- and she wouldn’t recommend anyone following her example- Melissa’s mischievous quest for adventure and fun is refreshing. In a world that sometimes takes itself much too seriously, we could all pause and find ways to bring more playful risk-taking into our lives.
I asked Melissa what it was like to be her. Her answer surprised me- She said, “Fun… it is fun to be me.” Sometimes as moms and adults we forget that we are here to enjoy life, that we can look beyond the responsibilities and headaches and simply have fun. Melissa’s example teaches us that we can search for ways to incorporate play and adventure into daily life.
This playful, adventurous side of Melissa was born through a desire for connection. Thus, another admirable quality of Melissa that helps teach us another purpose in life. Connecting with family and friends is deeply important to her. The caring willingness to help everyone around her and her deepening ability to see and feel other’s pain came from the example of her mother. Melissa described her as a “yes person” that helps her in many ways as she navigates motherhood. She fondly described the swimming and workout sessions that allowed her time spent feeling supported by her mother that in turn strengthened her ability to mother her children.
Her daring side? That originated through a desire to connect with her father. In the sweetest heartwarming way Melissa describes how she always wanted to impress her dad by her fearless ability to seek adventure. She described the times he took her hunting. How he spotted a dear one time, told her to shoot so she picked up her gun and shot in the direction he pointed. She ended up luckily getting the deer. Or the time she spent several days bow hunting with her dad and not being successful. Her dad started to cook dinner and Melissa’s husband had at arrived at camp. Her dad told her to go with her husband and look for a deer. Within a short period of time they found a deer and she used her bow to kill it. Her dad had taught her how to hunt and had been there for days helping her and then missed her bow kill. This strong sense of adventure Melissa received from her father not only brought connection to her and him but helped Melissa be the fun person toward which people gravitate.
What a beautiful testament to the connection between children and parents. Melissa’s ability to show both the sensitive and the daring side of her personality that she received from each parent helps and inspires so many people around her.
What motherhood threatens…
This bold spirit of hers also gave her one of the greatest challenges that she so courageously shared with me. Looking in from a distance we see a happy mother who would do anything for her children. The depth of her love deepens as we understand the specifics of her sacrifice. As I got closer to the details, Melissa vulnerably shared how she feels like motherhood although beautiful and wonderful threatened to take her sense of who she is away. I think this struggle is universal for mothers. Learning to still be who we are as we nurture and take care of children through all their needs and wants. For her, that meant she would rather spend her days being adventurous in a variety of ways and felt almost trapped or confined by the needs of her family. We have all been there in one way or another.
I think this struggle is universal for mothers. Learning to still be who we are as we nurture and take care of children through all their needs and wants. For her, that meant she would rather spend her days being adventurous in a variety of ways and felt almost trapped or confined by the needs of her family. We have all been there in one way or another.
Melissa explained the perfect example of the fight between the responsibility of motherhood and her desire to claim her personhood. One of her favorite adventures is floating the river in Lava Hot Springs. It is thrilling and fun. Her family including cousins had gathered there at the same time her 18-month-old daughter was sick with sores all over her mouth. There is the struggle- she wanted to join in on one of her favorite adventures, yet her baby needed her for comfort and care. She felt frustrated she was missing out on what she really wanted. For the most part, she tended to her baby except for moments of reprieve from her parents. Yet, that feeling of not being able to choose what she desired left her upset. Upset enough that she took off for a walk with her baby. In that moment of weariness as she was walking, the man who gave her the brave spirit, her Dad, showed up. He took her and her baby for an ice cream cone. Isn’t that beautiful? Simply because it is what we are all seeking. Melissa was fighting something all parents face the struggle between finding a balance between the needs of our children and the desires of our hearts. Her dad came, and he did not fix it because in so many ways the struggle will always be there… instead, he told her let’s spend time together, so you know you are not alone.
Melissa’s tenacious persistence has helped ease this fight for her. As her children have grown they have been able to give her the space she needs to accomplish some of her undertakings. This, in turn, helps her support them in their activities. The other thing that has happened as they have grown? She can include them more fully in her adventures. Whether it be on the ski hill or the river or hiking she is using the example of her parents and connecting with her kids through physical play. One of the very happiest moments of her life was standing on top of table rock with her husband and children. Table Rock is not an easy hike and through her ability to set and accomplish goals she was able to get her family up there. This is crazy admirable!
Setting goals FOR herself
This is something I have always respected about Melissa. Even though she talks about how she wishes she wouldn’t cancel on herself as much as she does, Melissa still fights for the things that she wants. I think we all can relate to wanting to achieve more and feeling like we fall short of our own expectations for ourselves. Her grandmother told her life doesn’t start until you are 65. One of the driving forces behind Melissa being so active is her wish to still be physically healthy enough to enjoy ventures when she is 65 and beyond.
Melissa continually seeks her goals and sets new ones. She reminisced about the year 2012 when she felt her strongest and successfully competed in several triathlons including placing in two half- ironmans. That is 1.2 miles of swimming, 56 miles of biking, and 13.1 miles of running if you are wondering. She has completed several marathons including one this year. She just finished with her Mom, in one day, a 25-mile hike through the Tetons surviving two Momma Moose encounters. This hike has been on her radar for 8 years. Don’t give up on your goals… even if they take time… they can happen! Melissa continually trains to achieve the level of strength she felt in 2012 as she pushes herself to finish bigger and better physical events.
In her true gracious fashion Melissa specifically states that although she worked hard to accomplish her goals she depends on others’ support for her success as well. She is grateful for the love of her husband and children. She enjoys spending time with her siblings. She knows that her strong year of 2012 was made possible by people that knew her. They knew of her desires and they knew of her struggles. They knew she used training as a way to cope through hard times. A kind friend gifted her a road bike, her brother and another friend paid for entrance into her half ironman triathlons, and another friend pushed her to show up for their bike rides they scheduled together. This is important to know and realize that we need to find and honor people in our lives willing to help us achieve those things for which we fight.
Melissa has a vision for her goals. She described looking at her current house before she bought it and not being able to sleep. Her sleeplessness came 
from being excited because she could see a gymnastics studio. This studio that has blessed my family greatly is a wonderful illustration about fighting for what you want. She has ninety to one hundred twenty students come through her house each week (can we add patience to her list) that she does an excellent job of providing gymnastics instruction. She grew her studio by her vision and hard work. We can all fight for the things we see in our minds that will bring us joy. As we work hard we will accomplish great things.
My time learning about some of the details of Melissa’s life left me reflecting on our need for balance. The balance between opposing personality traits such as her softness and her ambition. What a magnificent combination! The balance between motherhood and our individuality. Something we all try to figure out. It left me more grounded in my belief that it comes down to connection. It is beautiful to see Melissa’s connection with her parents and how that has helped her connect with her own kids.
This quote by Mark Anthony reminds me so much of Melissa.
And one day she discovered that she was fierce, and strong, and full of fire, and that not even she could hold herself back because her passion burned brighter than her fears. – Mark Anthony
It is my hope we can all follow her lead. One day she will be standing on top of the Grand Teton as an iron man triathlete boldly declaring to the world- be purposely tender-hearted in connecting with those you love as you ambitiously endeavor to live your dreams. Because that is simply who she is.
