Over the past months, my toddler’s personality has grown as he learns and explores the world around him. To my surprise, he is an outgoing socialite who loves being outdoors (he definitely did not inherit those traits from his introverted, homebody mother). He has a blast interacting with other kids, but unfortunately he has a hard time with little ones younger than him (under 18-months).
I would never publicly shame my child in any setting. I’m not here to vent about my kid’s behavior. No, I’m here to advocate for him. I’m going to throw out a big cliché, but it’s true when I say he’s misunderstood. If I didn’t know any better and I had a mellow baby that always played nicely with others, I might be a bit distraught if a toddler came up and bit him out of no
where. I might give his mom a dirty look or yell “NO!” at the boy. Actually, no. I wouldn’t. As a matter of fact, I have been there before.
When my son was nine-months-old, a little girl bit him on the cheek – hard. Tears
rolled down his face as my baby screamed at the top of his lungs. The girl’s mom rushed over and apologized profusely, begging for forgiveness. I didn’t even blink. I reassured her that everything was okay and that there were no hard feelings whatsoever. I think that the moms who give me dirty looks must be under the impression that I teach my child to be uncivilized at home, that we must supplement reading time with lessons in aggressive behavior. Well, I assure you that we don’t hit anyone in our house and the only thing we demonstrate how to bite is dinner.
The last thing I want to be is a helicopter parent, but that’s what I look like as I clumsily climb up the playground equipment behind my son in my ninth month of pregnancy. I’m not trying to protect him from going face first down the slide; I’m trying to teach him to play softly with other children. I stay close to him to prevent him from nonchalantly hitting kids as he passes them.
Unbeknownst to some, hitting and biting are developmentally appropriate traits of many babies.
While this behavior is unacceptable, it is age-appropriate. I know because I’ve done a LOT of research to prove to myself I’m not just a bad mom. Harsh treatment from other moms who don’t understand this has weighed heavy on my heart. My son and I leave playgroups and story-time early and I barely make it to the car before bursting into tears. I look into my rearview mirror to see the round, oblivious face of my little boy. These instances make me so grateful that I am his mama, because although he plays rough, I know he has the biggest heart. I don’t see a naughty kid; I see a little boy who is still learning limits. What other people don’t see are the sweet hugs and kisses he gives me after he realizes that he’s been too rough.
There are mamas who will read this and immediately relate. There are some that will still question my mothering techniques.
To all mamas everywhere, I plead you to stop mom-shaming. A toddler’s tantrum is not a reflection of a mom’s parenting skills.
When a baby bites, it doesn’t mean she isn’t getting enough love at home. We are all in this together. While none of us are perfect, we all love our little ones unconditionally, so let’s give each other a break and look for the good in all kids – even the ones that bite.
