Hi there, Mama.
I bet you are freaking out right now. Not only did you get a positive result on a pregnancy test – you did the math. You realized that this baby is going to be close in age to your current baby. And that’s a scary thought.
Trust me, I know.
This is a picture of my oldest child holding my youngest child. The youngest is just 5 weeks old; the oldest is about two or three days away from turning three years old.
Yes, my oldest and youngest children are less than three years apart. What’s really crazy is that I have TWO OTHER children between my oldest and youngest.
How is that even possible, you ask? Well. I had twin girls, then a boy 17 months later, and then a girl 17 months after that. And, because I know you are curious, only the oldest was really “planned.” The rest were various degrees of surprises. (The youngest being the biggest surprise of all because I had a freakin’ IUD.)
I started sobbing when I found out I was pregnant with my youngest and they were not happy tears. I was feeling pretty overwhelmed already. I had two-year-old twin girls and a nine month old baby boy. My life was a never-ending carousel of nap times, diaper changes, bottles, pacifiers, and toddler-approved meals. I had been telling myself that if I could just get through this phase, things would be better. The twins had to potty train soon, right? The baby had to start walking soon, right? There had to be a light at the end of the tunnel, right?
But there I was pregnant again. Starting over. Again.
I know it’s scary and overwhelming to find out you are pregnant again so soon after having a baby.
You’re thinking about all the things that are already feeling too small for your family. You might need a new car, a new table, heck, maybe even a new home. You’re trying to figure out if your current baby’s car seat and crib will be available for this new baby or if you’ll have to buy new ones.
You’re already feeling overrun by the children you currently have. You’re wondering how you are going to do everything you already do while pregnant. You are wondering how you are going to divide your love and attention with another baby in the equation. You’re wondering if you have what it takes.
My answer is yes! You can do this. You can raise these children. But you are going to have to let go of some of your expectations for what your life looks like. You may have to buy the minivan. You may have to be okay with a messier house than you would prefer. You may have to squish three kids into a bedroom. You are probably going to let your kids watch more TV than you ever thought you’d allow.
You are certainly going to have to become more comfortable asking for help from the people who love you.
Each of my children changed me in important ways. Having my fourth baby so close to the other three taught me to be kind to myself. I learned that doing the very best I could do was enough. I learned to relax about my expectations for myself.
The next few years of your life are going to be hard. I won’t lie to you about that. There will be late night feedings where you hope the other kids don’t wake up. There will be diapers that need to be changed right as dinner needs to come out of the oven. There will be times that you desperately need the kids to take a nap, but they won’t agree. There will be trips to the park that have to be immediately canceled. There will be times you feel you will pull your hair out if another person asks for anything else from you.
There are also going to be moments where you feel tremendous success. When everyone naps at the same time. When you take all the kids to the store BY YOURSELF and everyone behaves. (Pro-tip: those long carts with extra seats at Target and Walmart will be your best friend.) When you make it to the park and everyone plays well. When everyone eats dinner and laughs and talks together.
There are going to be rough times, but there will also be a lot of good times. You will be amazed as you watch your family adjust to this new little member. I know you may laugh at this now, but I promise you there will be a day when you can’t imagine life without this child.
It may seem a long way off, but I want to give you a glimpse of the wonderful future that awaits you. My youngest just turned 6 at the end of September and the twins don’t turn 9 until the end of October. We are in the fun part of the year where everyone’s ages line up perfectly. They are 6, 7, and 8. The kids think that is amazing.
We left bottles and diapers behind years ago. It’s been over a year since anyone has needed a regular nap. When we drive places all the kids can buckle their seat belts themselves.
Of course, there are still challenges that come with having kids close in age. Hand-me-downs don’t really work in our family, and you should see how many duplicate fliers come home from the school. I’m also a little nervous about our ability to survive having all four kids together in high school one day. But honestly, I’m so happy with my family. It’s a little crazy, but it’s mine.
I know it may seem overwhelming for you now. And you are certainly justified in feeling that way. But it’s going to be okay.
I survived. So can you.
Signed,
A mom who has been there
