You started this parenting game wide-eyed and most likely terrified. Then one day they graduate high school and then they are moving out, and you are left wondering what just happened. It’s like teaching them to ride a bike again, you tell them how, show them, tell them to take it slow, don’t rush it and remember to keep your balance. Then you give them a push and you stand back and watch. This is the hard part, when they were young you ran along beside them holding your hands out, this time you don’t get to do that. You get to just stand there and watch, hope, and pray. You help them back up if they fall, then you step back and watch them go again, all while ugly crying because your baby has left the nest.
Dealing with the Feeling of Loss
The hardest part about being a parent to an 18-year-old is the loss you feel. Either when they go to college or move out to be on their own. It is a loss, there is physical and emotional pain. Even though they are a phone call away or only 30-50 miles away. They are not home. They are not there when you get up or at dinner. They are not leaving signs of themselves around the house – you know the socks, or the wet towel, or the empty soda bottle that could not make it into the garbage. There is a deep, feel-a-pit-in-your-stomach loss. There are tears suddenly for no reason because something reminded you that they are not home. There are times of depression because of the loss, and this is just the first few days.
Even if you still have other children at home, the loss of this person in your everyday life is felt deeply. 18 years is a long time to suddenly change your entire every day, your daily routine. You don’t know what to do, you do not know how you will get by. This little spirit came into your life and completely changed everything and to have that gone is difficult. That personality is no longer in the home. Even though the world considers them “adults” they are not quite at that status, they believe they are, you can see they are not quite there yet but, as moms, we have to let them be. Watching their maturity grow will be heartbreaking and overwhelmingly joyful, yet it does not happen overnight. Be strong Mom.
Empty Nest :: Now What?
Now, if this is your last or your only you suddenly have reached the level of empty nest status. What do you do? First, don’t deny the feelings or hold them back, its okay to cry, it’s okay to feel at a loss. However, try and not let it take over. I have realized that writing out my feelings has been a great coping method. I still have moments of sadness and I’m sure those will continue. The Hubs and I are developing a new routine and enjoying being just us as a couple and finding joy in this new stage. My poor little mini schnauzer is the “baby” and gets mugged A-L-O-T. He enjoys most of it but at times he just goes to his chair of pillows and chills, all our pets are like, “okay this is nice but, um, could we have a little less some days.”
As the days pass they are getting easier as I realize that my little bird is earning her wings and growing, and that brings more tears yet so much joy and happiness. I grab onto that joy and happiness with both hands!
