There are few hard and fast rules at my house. We don’t jump on the couches. We take off our shoes. We don’t tell potty jokes or say bad words. We do not hit.
And the hardest one of all: we don’t do electronics.
I shouldn’t say we don’t do them. What I should really say is that my hard and fast rules are mainly all about electronics. I am that crunchy, un-crunchy mom who has imposed weird rules and restrictions about our media consumption all while being totally addicted to my phone, eating junk food, and playing video games. It’s that hypocritical balance my children will use as fuel for their teenage angst.
I totally get the eye-rolls you may be giving your screen right now. But I assure you, I am not trying to be some holier-than-thou mom who is bragging about how her kids are becoming future Mozarts because they don’t watch TV. (News flash – they aren’t.) I am simply sharing what has worked for our family so that if you notice the same behaviors in your kid, you’ve got someone cheering you on in your efforts to cut down screen time.
My then three-year-old was genuinely addicted to watching TV and having access to electronics. I noticed that he was much more physically aggressive when the TV was turned off or the phone was taken away. That the screaming, hitting, biting, and pushing were ten-fold when my husband and I even mentioned that the current episode was the last episode. The number of times my three-year-old told me he hated me when the TV was turned off would be more than enough that those British nanny ladies and their camera crews could have been knocking on my front door any second. I don’t even know where he learned the phrase, “I hate you!” but it was like a dagger every single time.
We tried giving him warnings. We tried setting timers. We even bargained with him that if he did x, y, or z, he would get to watch his favorite show that day as a special treat. And none of it improved his behavior. The second the TV turned off, it was like all hell broke loose and every good behavior we had that morning was seeking its devilish counterpart.
As an educator, I know that electronics and media can be amazing tools and resources for our children. My students used all kinds of apps and we watched all kinds of videos in an effort to learn more about inaccessible things on a daily basis. There genuinely are educational programs and shows that can be of benefit for our children.
As a parent, I loved that electronics provided moments of quiet relief where my kids were occupied by something other than myself. My body had an hour-long break from being a jungle gym. My tired brain had a break from the constant why questions. I could veg out on the couch knowing that my kids would be busily entertained, and I would be “reset” enough to get dinner on the table without having a mental breakdown.
But all of those benefits were undone the second the TV was turned off and I went from relaxed mom on the couch to physical and emotional punching bag.
So, we stopped all electronics. Cold turkey. No Netflix. No playing with our phones. Not even taking pictures on our phones or looking at themselves with all of the funny filters. We didn’t even Facetime for a few weeks.
It was hard. The first few days were rough. My son was having actual withdrawals. Which honestly pushed my resolve even further because no three-year-old should be crying until they throw up because they can’t watch Rescue Bots.
After a few weeks, we noticed that my son’s behavior was improving and the blow of not being able to watch TV was lessening. Now he gets to watch one movie or play one movie equivalent of electronics a week.
As he has gotten older, we’ve added more stipulations to the mix – not to punish our children, but to keep the mindset that electronics are a privilege, not a right. My almost six-year-old and his almost four-year-old brother now do chores in order to earn their screen time at the end of the week. They help put away dishes, gather laundry, and tidy up the playroom to earn their screen time. If they want additional screen time, they can bargain for it. My six-year-old has become a little “used car salesman” bargaining for more Minecraft some weeks.
Honestly, it’s been the best thing we’ve done for our family dynamic. That is the one part where I will give my humble mom brag. It’s helped change our days drastically. My kids are no longer waiting for the screen to turn on and I no longer have to listen to them ask a million times to watch a certain show or deal with the fallout when we don’t watch something. I’m also doubly happy that I don’t have to listen to the terrible voice acting that accompanies most kids’ shows.
The boys occupy themselves with the actual toys in the playroom now. They draw, build puzzles, and create forts. They ride bikes or play in the snow. Just today, they collaborated and made themselves paper armor and wore it around the house pretending to fight imaginary bad guys.
Is this plan for everyone? Definitely not. Does my son still have addictive tendencies around electronics? Definitely. Do my kids still watch movies at friend’s houses freely? Yep – it’s not my house! Do your kids need to do chores to have access to electronics? Up to you! Have I watched a single minute of Coco Melon or Paw Patrol? Hallelujah, no!
That’s the beauty of it. You can limit screen time to whatever measures fit your family’s dynamic. I’m just here to share what has worked for me.
