When I was pregnant with my oldest son, I read every parenting book I could get my hands on in order to feel prepared for motherhood. I studied so that I would be an expert at being a mom and also to be the best mom for my child. After having my son, I have realized that I don’t often live up to my expectations, that no parent is ever an expert, and that every day I learn something new.
Last year, my son started kindergarten and he was so excited to go. I was eager for him to love school and make new friends. However, when I would pick him up after school I would quiz him about what he did, who he talked to, and if he made any friends. His answer would usually consist of him playing by himself and of not having any friends. This seemed so perplexing to me because he loved to hang out with my friends’ kids and always had a good time.
I spent many sleepless nights worrying if this was normal. It also broke my heart thinking of him playing alone, because I thought he might be secretly hurting too. Even though he would insist that he liked playing by himself, I just couldn’t fathom that he wouldn’t rather be playing with his friends. To me, my child loved playing with his friends, always got excited when we ran into someone he knew, and would easily make friends with kids at the park so I just couldn’t wrap my mind around him having no friends.
To me, my child loved playing with his friends, always got excited when we ran into someone he knew, and would easily make friends with kids at the park so I just couldn’t wrap my mind around him having no friends.
After a while, he would come home and tell me about someone who he ate lunch with or he’d tell me of a game he would play with some kids at recess, but more often than not, he still would say he preferred to play alone. I felt that perhaps I should see for myself how he behaved at school and started volunteering at his school parties to see how he interacted with his classmates. I was surprised to see that he would giggle and have a great time with them. Confused, I did what I always do with any of life’s uncertainties, I Googled this problem and found that my kid is not alone. That lots of kids his age need their alone time.
What I didn’t see in my fog of worry was that my child is happy, healthy, and has friends. He just needs to have that time between classes to decompress, gather his thoughts, and be alone. Much like I do.
What I have forgotten as an adult is that we are all different. Where I spent much time as a kid worried about eating alone or having no friends, my son doesn’t. He genuinely doesn’t care if he eats with someone because that is time he has to himself. It goes to show that we are all different and that one child’s needs may not reflect what another child needs and that we should be celebrated for our differences.
