So it is coming up on 3 years since a very special person in my life left this world and went on to the next. My Dad.
I felt it was time to finally release my memories and feelings.
As everyone who knows me knows my Dad was my best friend. I was a complete “Daddy’s Girl”. I loved the same sports he did, even the same music. We did many things together that I finally get to write about today.
One activity I loved doing with my Dad was golfing. He taught me everything I know. I started learning when I was in 6th grade. My first time going with him was one of the best days ever! Even if I hit 2 of my brand new golf balls into the water, haha. We would go golfing once a month, or we would go to the driving range. Mulligan’s in South Jordan, Utah was our special place. We would hit a large bucket of balls just the two of us. Those days were the ones I never wanted to end.
Usually after going to the course, we would head to South Towne Mall and go up to Hot Topic to see the band shirts on the walls. My Dad didn’t just choose KISS shirts. Oh no, he would choose Black Veil Brides, Bullet For My Valentine, Falling In Reverse, Escape The Fate, etc. Yes, my sister and I rubbed off on him. Over the years he grew to love our music as well.
Going to concerts with my Dad was the best. My first one was in 2010 at Rio Tinto Stadium. Can you guess who we saw? It was KISS.
I am a major KISS fan. I am an official member of the “KISS ARMY”. My Dad was a KISS fan ever since he was a kid. I even happen to have his first ever shirt he got from them.
That concert was such a great night! We sang and screamed so much we were horse. We both lost our voices. But that didn’t stop me from going to school the next day in my first ever KISS t-shirt.
We happened to go to “UPROAR FESTIVAL” a couple years later, where if you bought a CD from a booth, you were guaranteed to meet the band you bought the CD for. I got one for Escape The Fate, and my sister and Mom got one for Bullet For My Valentine. For some reason, my Dad didn’t buy a CD to meet a band. The reason was to take me to my band and my Mom took my sister to meet hers.
So, we walk into the booth with the band inside, and my Dad was right there beside me while I met the men that had changed my life. Craig Mabbitt (the vocalist) stood up and shook my hand when I had told him that I was a “huge fan”. My Dad was so happy to see him treat me so kindly that he gave their music a chance. We saw Escape The Fate twice more after that day.
The last concert I got to go to with him was Black Veil Brides. For my 18th birthday, my dad had bought us not just tickets, but VIP packages. We met them together. And we even got our items signed and pictures taken together with them. Andy Biersack (the vocalist) shook my hand when I said “thank you for all you do. Your music has saved me more than once.” He even asked me my name and said “it’s very nice to meet you Sarah. Thank you so much for your support.” obviously I blushed at my name being said by him!
That night was kind of the last big thing we did together.
When I was 17, my Dad had found out he had Melanoma skin cancer. At that point in time, I had no idea what to think of it besides “wow…”
He had 2 surgeries to try to get rid of the cancer, as well as radiation treatments. But my Dad never complained. He never showed any fear. He always said “it is, what it is.” That ended up being his saying till he passed away.
My Dad was the strongest man I knew. Besides my husband, he still is the strongest man I know. He went through so much. He fought tooth and nail till the very end.
He is my inspiration. My idol. The Gene Simmons to my Paul Stanley. I was always his “little Paul Stanley”. And the last day I saw him I told him that. “I will always be your little girl. Always have been and always will be.”
The one thing he had said has stuck with me every day since. That he was proud of me. “I have always been proud of you.” which brings me to tears still today.
Losing my Dad has brought many fears, and brought many days of depression and sorrow to the point I didn’t want to do anything for myself.
But I always know he’s there.
I asked for my baby to exist. I begged him to let me have a baby so I could have something to fill the hole in my heart from him being gone. And he heard me.
6 months later I found out I was pregnant. From then on I knew he was and is there for me. I got a beautiful son who looks so much like my Dad. (Yes he looks like me and his Dad but he has hints of him in there) and I’m so grateful to have him.
Losing my Dad hurt, and it still does. It will never be easy. But I’m okay. He made me into the person I am today, and taught me how to be strong and be a good parent. I am very lucky to call this amazing man my Dad.
~For my Dad/Gene Simmons
Love, your Little Paul Stanley
