I have gone back and forth numerous times (weeks actually) of finding the right words to write about this subject.
The subject is labels.
You know what I mean, ‘stay at home mom’, ‘work from home mom’, ‘working mom’, ‘mom of multiples’, ‘mom of boys’, ‘mom of girls’, ‘only child mom’, etc.
A part of me becomes so frustrated with the overuse of some of these labels, yet a part of me understands that sometimes those labels help create awareness to a subject such as ‘autism mom’ and work well for a quick one-line description.
Yet, I think we let labels be the main thing we check first. For example, my daughter is an only child, so by label, I’m a ‘mom of an only’. With this label, does that reduce what my daughter is to simply an only child? She is so much more than that yet giving her that label she is sometimes only seen as that. Same applies to using the label to describe a mom of a child with special needs, does that make the child only special needs? What about all their other abilities?
Do you understand why I get frustrated with labels? Sure a label can help with understanding, yet do you stop learning about someone because of that label? Have you created a preconceived notion of a mom because of a label? Do you put them in a category of oh they don’t understand my struggle because of this or that? I have many friends who have large families, does that mean they have nothing to offer me in my capacity as a mom to 1 child? Do I offer nothing to someone who has a large family? Only boys? Single mom? Are you allowing labels to keep you from forming friendships, from finding a resource you may not realize? Are you restricting your circle to only your label?
Well stop it, you and your child, or children are missing out. Having a circle of moms with varied experiences, number of children, and stage of their lives has made a huge impact in my life and the life of my child.
I work full time and have done so basically all my daughters life. My Husband works full time also, thankfully he has had a weird shift schedule for the most part, so sometimes he is home during the week, or doesn’t work until late. We have done the pass the baby off with our schedules, we have used daycare and have been blessed to have some of the best daycare “moms” out there. Yet being a ‘working mom’ I am still always a full time mom just as my husband is a full time Dad. Thoughts of my daughter are never far, nor concerns. How can I help with whatever project needs to be done? And do we have poster board or do I need to stop and get another one.?(Buy a bunch at the beginning of the school year and tuck them away, you will thank me later).
There have been days that because I worked I felt less than a full time mom. Sometimes I was incredibly frustrated because of careless comments made by others. Because of those comments, I felt bad and felt less of a mom thinking about those comments. Then one day I realized that working does not lessen my motherhood abilities or my so called score as a mom. My daughter has done homework at my work and knows everyone, same at my husbands work, she has even done a science project based on his work. I never missed an activity or event at school, saw her get on the bus every time. Picked her up from school if she became ill and stayed home with her. I have attended tee ball, basketball, soccer and other events. Made halloween costumes, came up with crazy hair, crazy socks etc. So although I work full time, it does not change the fact that I am a full time mom!
Do you know what happens when you stop labeling, you make friends and realize whatever “other” status in your life, being a ‘full time mom’ is still your primary job and theirs and doesn’t change the fact that all moms have struggles. Instead of worrying about what category they fit in, how about worrying about how can you help. We are raising the future leaders, scientists, inventors, motivation speakers, nobel prize winners, doctors etc. So remember that, the next time you feel you aren’t doing anything right, you are! And we are here to support and cheer you on.
