Holidays, birthdays, and anniversaries should be special, fun days. However, they have the potential to turn into disappointing days when we might not get exactly what we wanted or expected. We somehow believe that our significant other should be able to read our minds or just “know” what we want. We are all waiting for the perfect surprise from our significant other, but unfortunately, no matter how much they love us, they sometimes fail to make the day live up to our expectations.
A few years ago my sister, Lindsey, came up with an excellent idea for how she and her husband could communicate better about special occasions. I loved this idea, and have used it a few times to communicate with my husband. It has definitely helped us as we’ve planned for special days.
Since Valentine’s Day is coming up, I thought I would share Lindsey’s genius idea with all of you.
I’m going to let her tell you about her idea, but first I want to introduce Lindsey to you. Lindsey is one of my favorite people in the world. I’m two years older than her so I can’t remember a time when she wasn’t in my life. We shared a room most of the time we were growing up, and our nights were full of lots of laughter at silly jokes.
She’s been married for 13 years and has 3 children. She works as a teacher in Houston, Texas. Lindsey is the type of woman you want to hang out with. She can make anything into a game, yet she also has a really level head and can solve problems well. I’ve benefited from her advice many times.
That problem-solving ability came in handy when it came to special occasions. Here’s Lindsey’s story:
On Mother’s Day in 2014, I stayed in bed hoping my husband would be jumping up any moment to make breakfast for me. Instead, I heard my toddlers waking up so I got up and made the kids breakfast. “Breakfast in bed is overrated,” I told myself.
Then I got the kids ready for church. On a normal Sunday, the kids and I would have left for church with the understanding that my husband would meet us at church. But this was Mother’s Day. I wanted to arrive as a family. I went upstairs to see if I could hurry him along. He was still asleep!
I wasn’t just annoyed, I was mad. “It’s Mother’s Day!” I yelled. “I would like to look like a happy family on Mother’s Day. Aren’t you going to come with us?“ I left in a huff and went to church without him.
Later, I learned that he had forgotten to buy me anything for Mother’s Day. His plan had been to pretend to sleep in so I would leave for church without him. Then he would go to the store while I was gone.
This obviously was the wrong move on his part. I didn’t want a stuffed animal and waxy chocolates. I wanted to have breakfast together and go to church in the same car at the same time. I thought he should have been able to sense what I wanted just by the fact that we were married.
The rest of the day wasn’t much better. Did he know that after church I wanted to read a book alone in my room while he took the kids to the park? No. Did he know that I didn’t care about a fancy dinner? No.
I was mad at him, but I realized that he could tell similar stories of not so stellar birthdays and Father’s Days that he had endured.
I began thinking that I wouldn’t let another holiday go by with one or both of us feeling disappointed. We needed a way to tell each other what we wanted for special occasions.
So I came up with a plan: I made a birthday and holiday questionnaire.
The next holiday was Father’s Day. A week before Father’s Day, I printed the questionnaire and gave it to my husband to fill out. After he filled it out, I didn’t have to guess at what he wanted or didn’t want. Yes, he wanted a big breakfast in bed. No, he didn’t need flowers or balloons. I found out he really didn’t even want a gift.
It was so nice to know what he wanted and be able to plan for that. It was a wonderful Father’s Day for everyone.
A month later, we used the questionnaire again when my birthday came up in July. It worked! I got exactly what I wanted! My husband made breakfast for me. He bought the right gifts. The day was amazing.
The truth is that we aren’t mind-readers. We need to be clearly communicating to our spouses and family about what it is that we are expecting. We need to be upfront about what we want. My questionnaire has helped us communicate much better. Thanks to the questionnaire, every holiday and birthday has been wonderfully transparent. We’ve used it for over 6 years and will continue to use it for many years. I’ve joked that this is the PDF that saved my marriage.
Lindsey shared the PDF of the questionnaire with me after she made it. I loved it and used it several times with my husband. These days, my husband and I don’t use it for every special occasion, but it has come in handy whenever we have trouble coming up with ideas. I actually filled it out a few days ago for my birthday because I needed help figuring out what I wanted.
Lindsey has been kind enough to share her questionnaire with us. Click on the PDF below to print it out and give it a try with your significant other this Valentine’s Day. You’re are going to love the results.
