Motherhood is a job. A job where we are on call 24/7 emotionally and mentally, whether we are staying at home or working. We aren’t paid and our bosses are our children. Like any career, motherhood can lead to burnout. We often don’t know how to avoid it. So we let it happen, which impacts our children, our marriage, and our own well being.
Recently I was working on my online doula training. The module I was working on was discussing how to avoid burnout and have a sustainable career by cultivating practices that protect your well being in that career. As I was reading and studying this, it struck me that these business practices could be beneficial when applied to my role as a mother!
Christina Maslach, a psychologist, studied burnout and curated a list of factors that can contribute to occupational burnout. Some of these factors are control, workload, community, and reward.
Control.
Life is never completely in our control, but there are things we can do for it to be manageable. We can control our family’s time management, set routines that benefit everyone, and have systems in place to simplify life. Its It’s not about having it all in control, but having what we can under control and running smoothly.
Workload.
Similar to control, we can try to manage the workload in a way that we aren’t overworking ourselves. We need to be aware of our limits. This means saying no, not only to activities that demand our energy, but also our children’s activities (because that demands our energy and work too!). It’s ok, healthy even, to take a season to slow life down and back away from extra activities and obligations. Sometimes just focusing on the needs of ourselves and our families is ok.
We can also delegate so that we aren’t doing all the work ourselves. Asking (or hiring) others for help is ok. Which brings me to…
Community.
The social environment of a job is important for the health of the employees, and it is no different with motherhood. We need relationships that support our motherhood. We need to know that others have our backs, and we need to have theirs too. We need people that we can spend time with and without our children. This needs to be a priority for our well being.
Reward.
Jobs are done in return for pay, recognition, status, and many other forms of return. Motherhood’s return looks a lot different… it gets very little recognition in our society. Mothers can often feel unimportant, invisible, and unnecessary. What needs to happen is a perspective shift… WE need to recognize the importance of our work. Our little humans NEED us and their lives would be completely different without us. Everything we manage probably wouldn’t be managed if it weren’t for us. It all seems so menial, that we feel like we don’t accomplish anything.
Here is a challenge…instead of looking at the never-ending to-do list, make a list of what you DID do during the day. What you will realize is that you DID do a lot, even on a “lazy” day. Kids need fed and taken care of even on lazy days. And that is a job!
Another thing we can do is literally reward ourselves. Worked hard on chores yesterday? Reward yourself today, even if it’s just taking a walk around Target with the kids in tow, a glass of wine after bedtime, or a new nail polish. Recognize, appreciate, and reward your work!
Ultimately, treating motherhood like the job that it truly is, benefits us and our families. We can better handle the work/fun balance, know when to take a break, and recognize the importance of what we do. We will learn how to have a sustainable “career” as a mom and better serve our “clients”. And hopefully, we can find a deeper joy in our role.
