Around Valentine’s Day its easy to go out of your way to recognize your spouse and all they do. After all, the whole world is filled with red hearts, sweet words, and chocolate. Maybe you went out for a nice dinner date or surprised him with some pretty new “sleep” wear.
But life moves on. Every married person knows that the honeymoon phase fades and not every day is Valentine’s. Especially after kids, us moms are stretched thin, distracted, and tired. Marriage can feel like another thing that we have to take care of.
Marriage definitely takes two. But how often do us wives sit back waiting for him to make the first move? How often do we put off time we put off quality time? How often do we choose to be distracted by…everything else?
The point of all these things… he needs you. He needs these things from you. While he is a full grown adult, there are some things that only his wife can provide. He wouldn’t be able to do any of this without you. And though we ALL try, we can’t do it without our husbands either.
Here are some practical ways to remember him on the 363 days that aren’t Valentine’s day, your anniversary, or his birthday:
Focus on what he DOES do for you and the kids.
In the busyness of life its easy to see life as the never-ending to-do list… shouldn’t he be helping to check more things off? Why are you doing it all? Of course he should meet halfway on what needs to be done around the house and partner in raising his children. But sometimes we need to get some perspective and recognize what he already does for the family. This can seem small but this small attitude change can really make a difference.
Thank him!
Simply thank him for the things he does…even the things you don’t think he should expect a “thank you” for. I know what you might be thinking…”I do that every day and I don’t get a thank you!” But don’t you wish you did? Seeing the opportunities to show thanks for his effort encourages him and makes him feel like his effort matters. Chances are he will offer you thanks too.
Go out of your way for him.
When life is busy and you already have the kids and the house and the pets to take care of, it can seem a lot to ask to do one more thing. But it doesn’t have to be big. Remember to get his favorite snack at the grocery store. Surprise him with a coffee or treat at work. Give him an hour or two of free time to see a friend or spend time on his hobby. These really don’t cost much time or effort on our part, but really show that we care.
Communicate.
Whew, ok, that’s a little broad. I don’t know about you but I tend to hold in all my emotions until they spew out and make a mess. Then I have to clean it up because we are both upset.
But what could’ve prevented the explosion? Communicating my emotions to my husband calmly and factually. To do this, I can’t wait until weeks have passed by, and I can’t be extremely emotional at that moment. It needs to be fairly soon after the “event” and I need to be calm. Better communication will only benefit your marriage and you as an individual.
Be his cheerleader.
Ok don’t grab some pompoms and sing a cheesy tune, but when he is discouraged or disappointed, when things don’t go his way, when life gets hard, the best gift you can give is to be right there with him and encourage him the best you can.
The point of all these things… he needs you. He needs these things from you. While he is a full grown adult, there are some things that only his wife can provide. He wouldn’t be able to do any of this without you. And though we ALL try, we can’t do it without our husbands either. My hope is that making these a practice will build and strengthen everyone’s marriages. I know I will definitely be making it a point to do these things in mine.
