When I pictured motherhood I knew there was going to be hard times, I wasn’t naive enough to think that it would be all sunshine and rainbows. But what I wasn’t prepared for is having times that I need to remind myself that I love my children. I know that sounds horrible, and I feel bad for even typing it! Don’t mistake this for me saying that I don’t love my children, but I have moments of extreme frustration that I believe is normal for everyone. Times when my 1 year old would rather eat dog food instead of ANYTHING that I have cooked, times when my 4-year-old seems to think she is queen of the world and doesn’t want to listen, and lets not forget the times when they decide that 3:30 am is the perfect time to wake up for the day!
So how do I remind myself of my unconditional love, here’s my advice:
RUN!
Ok, don’t just outright abandon your children, but let’s face it we need a break sometimes. I can’t always get a babysitter, but I can easily admit defeat turn on the tv and sit locked in another room with a book just to get some needed downtime for a few minutes. I have found that the times I have felt the most stressed it’s because I haven’t taken the time to energize my own soul. You can’t give if you are on empty yourself.
Bedtime sometimes comes early
My 1-year-old has, lately, decided that 3:30 am is the time that everyone in the house needs to be wide awake. On a positive note, this does mean that I am able to get my to-do list done super early, but the kids have been super CRANKY! At first, I tried really hard to keep them awake until their normal bedtime, but I found no one was winning in that situation. So while I can continue to push the envelope, fighting a battle where everyone is unhappy just seems pointless. Sometimes you just have to take the step back on what you want and listen to what the kids need.
Remember they are allowed their emotions
As adults, we have emotional days. Some days we just wake up unhappy (don’t lie, you know it’s true). What I have realized is that kids have the same problem! This doesn’t mean that they are allowed to be royal terrors on a daily basis, but sitting down and trying to discuss their feelings and changing what I have planned for the day is sometimes needed. On their bad days, kids might not be able to express how they are feeling, so the real struggle just comes from trying to decide if they are being bad intentionally or having an off day. Even on bad days correcting behavior is still important, but it might be time to acknowledge that we need to do less focused activities and more free play for the day.
Reminding yourself that questions are good
Playing a game of 20 questions would be a reprieve in my world! I feel like in one day I have answered more than a thousand with many duplicate questions throughout the day. This is slowly becoming a pet peeve of mine, I miss silence. We have now established a new rule that we won’t answer a question already asked unless you can prove you don’t remember the answer, this teaches the children to not just ask questions for the sake of asking. We also try to have the children come up with an answer themselves, I feel this gives the kids the chance to draw their own conclusions and forces their brains to problem solve. I want them to look at the world with wonder, it just might come at the cost of my sanity but they will be better off for it!
A mother’s love is truly something special, but that doesn’t mean that it’s always a walk in the park! In just a single day you can have your life’s greatest and worst moments, and you aren’t ever going to be perfect at this “job.” Once I accepted those facts I was able to be at peace with the challenges my children threw at me, I will ever be a model parent but at least I now feel like my kids wouldn’t be screwed up because they were raised by me.
