Ugly Crying and June Cleaver

The morning I drove back to work a mere six weeks after giving birth to my little Ophelia Snow I cried. Ok…I ugly cried. By the time I got to work, I had worked myself up into a snotty, red-nosed, hot mess. I threw mental shade at all the mamas lucky enough to be able to stay home with their children. The shame and guilt were real. How could I leave my princesa behind like that? What was she doing at that moment? Did she miss me? Have I emotionally ruined her already by abandoning her with a highly-qualified babysitter? I know there are some working mamas out there who understand all too well. My husband’s job allowed him to work from home, but as he had to be on the phone with customers all day, we had no choice but to find outside child care for her.

In the weeks leading up to my first day back, we visited a highly rated daycare nearby. The daycare workers wore pajamas and had face tattoos. They told us that the infants all stayed in a little room together in bassinets with cartoons on the TV. I don’t know if this is the norm or not, but being first-time parents, we were horrified and could not bear to leave our daughter there or at any other daycare. Luckily, we found a lady that lived right around the corner who was willing to watch her during the day, who just happens to be a doula and a midwife in training on top of being an experienced mother.

As distraught as I was leaving my baby behind to go to work, I felt really good that she was in good hands. As the days slowly churned by, I felt better and better. Yet still, we worried that our only child was spending more time with a sitter than her parents. After a few weeks, my husband gave me some news—his schedule changed from days to evenings, which meant that Ophelia could stay home with her daddy during the day and I could come straight home and take over in time for him to start work. Our arrangement is not the most traditional—that’s for sure, but our little girl now has the benefit of always having one of her parents with her at all times. I told one of my co-workers about the new situation and he made a little joke referring to my husband as a “house husband.” I don’t see it that way. What I see is a true daddy who is just as committed to the well-being and happiness of our little girl as I am. What we have is an equal partnership. We found something that works for our family and we each put in all that is needed to make sure our daughter is healthy and developing as a little human should.

What I see is a true daddy who is just as committed to the well-being and happiness of our little girl as I am. What we have is an equal partnership.

What is important to note here is that this is the situation that best fits our family. The circumstances may change later, at which time we will re-evaluate and re-structure to fit our family’s needs.
Every family is different. Every family has different needs according to a myriad of ever-evolving circumstances. As a new mother, I am keenly aware that mom-guilt is very real. We see the pictures on Pinterest of a well dressed June Cleaver type of woman making Instagram-worthy crafts and perfect, healthy lunches for their kids while daddy is at the office working hard to bring home the proverbial bacon. While this woman does exist…somewhere, she mostly exists in the sector of our mom-brains that make us feel guilty and inadequate. STOP IT.

If your children are happy, well-fed, and healthy, then YOU are an amazing mother. It doesn’t matter if they are at daycare during the day, or if both parents are in the picture. It doesn’t matter if they bring bologna sandwiches and Spider-man fruit snacks to school for lunch instead of artfully curated, organic lunches in trendy bento boxes. What matters is that you are there for your children when it counts, and let’s face it mama…despite all your perceived short-comings one thing you do know is that you would walk on fire for your children. And more importantly…they know it too.