From the moment we started planning our family, I knew I would breastfeed my babies. After all, most of the women in my life had breastfed their babies, and so it just felt like the normal thing you do! Leading up to the birth of our daughter I read every Pinterest article or blog post on starting to breastfeed, supply upkeep, and how long to breastfeed. I even watched videos of brand new babies being laid on their mother’s chest and practically crawling toward the breast, only to latch on and immediately begin nursing like a pro! I was certain with all my research I, too, would have an experience like that.
Reality Hits
Flash forward to our second night in the hospital… my newborn is screaming, tears are rolling down my cheeks and I’m holding my baby in one hand and squishing my boob in the other trying to smoosh the two together hoping for a successful latch. This is not the beautiful, natural thing all those blog posts made it out to be. In fact, I’m certain this is the least natural thing in the world!
Once we got home I continued my attempts to nurse my baby. My nipples were cracked and bleeding and my sanity was quickly slipping from view. I was sure my baby was starving and that I was a total failure! I remember just bawling every time she was ready to eat because not only was it painful, but I still just felt like she wasn’t getting what she needed. Late night feedings were an even bigger nightmare. Sore boobies, stress, hormones and pure exhaustion made me resent my baby and my body!
As we went in for all her regular checkups we learned she was gaining a healthy amount of weight, but with the amount of pain I was in I wasn’t so sure continuing to breastfeed was a viable option. I tried pumping and even gave our baby two or three formula bottles but it just didn’t feel right, and I beat myself up repeating “breast is best” in my mind.
“…but it just didn’t feel right, and I beat myself up repeating ‘breast is best’ in my mind.”
I Reached Out
My husband encouraged me to talk to the moms in my life and get their perspective. In speaking with them I quickly discovered that though I thought they had all nursed exclusively for the first year of their children’s lives, that was actually a total misconception. Some of them bottle fed from day one, some nursed until their milk dried up at 2 or 3 months and some did nurse 9 months to a year. They all offered words of encouragement and told me I could keep breastfeeding if I wanted but at the end of the day what mattered was that my girl was fed, happy and healthy, and loved. My wise husband also scheduled for me to meet with a lactation consultant. Her tips and help were amazing.
With those words and tips in mind, I gave myself one more week. I relaxed and told myself that if it was too painful, or it just wasn’t working by the end of the week then we would move on to formula. At each feeding, I took a moment to relax and tell myself that I loved my baby and as long as she was fed she was ok.
Relaxing was Key
Relaxing was the key to our success! The more at ease I was the better her latch and easier the feed! The week ran out and I felt confident enough to continue breastfeeding.
Now, I may not nurse her for the recommended two years or even all the way to a year. I haven’t decided! But the beauty is that I can make a decision based on what works best for my baby and me.
Breastfeeding is a beautiful, wonderful thing. But it’s not the only way! Having a baby is too important and special a time to be panicking over each feeding! So if nursing isn’t working for you and your child there is NO SHAME! Change it up and allow yourself some grace! You are doing the best you can mama and that’s exactly what your little ones need.
Love your honest outlook! A healthy baby is a happy baby and that’s all that matters at the end of the day 🙂 Thank you for a bit of reality in the mama world