A crushing weight fell down on me as I hid in the shower. It had been a long, stressful day with not just one heartbreaking call, but two. I had just gotten back from the hospital with my newborn who required another bilirubin test. My four-day postpartum body hurt from carrying the carseat through the hospital and chasing my 1 year old at the doctor visit right before. Even with my husband’s wonderful help, I was exhausted. I felt like crying but the tears wouldn’t come. I was questioning every decision I had made to have two babies 12 months apart.
How would I manage?
In my living room were my three brothers-in-law and my husband playing video games or playing with my kids. I love my brothers-in-law, I really lucked out with them, but I needed space. I needed my couch, TV, and blankets. I needed to let myself cry without the embarrassment of people around. I needed to hold my babies in the peace and quiet of my home. I needed to put on clothes that didn’t remind me of my weight gain and stretch marks. I needed time without a bra with no one around to feel awkward.
I just needed them off my couch and out of my house.
After taking a long shower, I asked my husband to meet me in our room. I asked him to find a nice way to get his brothers to leave. I wasn’t mad at them, I just needed space. He looked a little nervous about kicking them out but found a way to do it. He doesn’t know how much I appreciate that.
If you are a new mom that is feeling the weight of having a baby, I see you. If you feel that depression creeping in and just want your space, ask for it.
Ask for what you need.
I felt so much relief just putting on my baggy sweatshirt without a bra to sit on my couch and watch a movie. You don’t have to play hostess or make everyone else happy. Your biggest concern is keeping you and that new baby healthy, not everyone else. (Your husband doesn’t fall under everyone else, he is also struggling with the life changes and you both need to support each other.)
Dear new moms, you are amazing and doing great. You may not know everything but no one did before Google so guess what? You will be fine. You will make mistakes and cry over them. Just embrace the tears and laughter. Love yourself and love your baby.
