Part 1 :: Why I Chose to Search For My Birth Family
This one’s been harder to write then I expected. I’ve started and deleted at least three times. I didn’t expect writing about my adoption to make me feel so emotionally naked, and honestly, I can’t recall a time I’ve ever felt so vulnerable, but here goes! 
In May of 1997 my parents flew to Columbia, South Carolina to pick me up. I would become their fifth child, second daughter, and the baby of their family. It was about a week from the phone call to the time they flew out. I don’t remember ever having another family (I was only 21 months old) and don’t remember ever feeling “different” from my siblings.
While I’m not exceptionally dark, I am half black, so there’s a noticeable difference between my family and I. It never made a difference to any of us though and we occasionally used it to play pranks on my sibling’s friends, or random strangers. For the most part though people understood and didn’t ask many questions. Adoption was pretty common where I came from, and so it was never weird or taboo.
So Many Questions…
I think the thoughts and questions I had growing up were similar to a lot of kids who had closed adoptions. My parents were pretty open and answered whatever questions I had, they showed me my adoptions papers and the few items that came with me. It was never treated like a secret. But there were still so many questions they couldn’t answer. I knew I had two biological siblings, and I struggled to understand why they were kept and I wasn’t. I often looked at myself in the mirror and wondered if I looked like anyone, or had any quirks or traits from my biological parents. Though I had an amazing life, with awesome parents and family, I remember screaming that they weren’t my real family. I spent a lot of time confused and angry with my birth mom and even my parents for not knowing all the answers. As I grew to adulthood I became less and less focused on what felt like rejection from my birth mom, and more appreciative of the family I did have and how I had never questioned their love for me.
A Mindset Change…
When I had my daughter I was able to put myself in her shoes, to imagine placing my daughter in someone else’s arms was a devastating thought. My heart broke for her and I was able to find forgiveness and love for her and the role she played in my life and getting me to the family I was meant to be in. I couldn’t imagine going 21 years without seeing my daughter, and without knowing if she was ok. I thought maybe she would like to know that I have a happy beautiful life, thanks to her tough choice.
I’ll Give It One Year…
Over the years I had made attempts to locate my birth family, but any leads would fall flat and would be pushed to the side for other things happening in my life. However with my new mindset, this year I set out to really search. I started in July and gave myself one year and if I hadn’t located anyone by July 2019, then I’d put it to bed and move on. I talked extensively with my mom and dad about this because if they weren’t ok with it, I wouldn’t move forward. They responded with so much support and love and really talked to me about what I was looking for and what I wanted from the connection. Once I got to work it took maybe a week of going through all the information before I connected lots of dots and was able to locate my biological half-brother on facebook.
