“Why not us?” La Tisha asked towards the end of our interview. She did not want to sound callous or unaffected by the deeply sad story she had just shared with me. She explained that although the time she has spent fighting her son’s leukemia has been difficult she could see that her family was in a position to put up a good fight. She described that because of the stability she and her husband, James, had created in his job and in her ability to stay home they were surviving an extremely tough experience. La Tisha’s desire to bring light to the world was shining through. Her yearning to find good out of hardship is commendable. 
It left me in awe. Not only because she was able to see the good but because the stability that allowed the cancer diagnosis to not be completely devastating was because she fought for it. She created the life that brought the stability. Lee Jampolsky said, “Ask yourself what is really important and then have the wisdom and courage to build your life around the answer.” This reminds me of La Tisha. Although very recently she found her father and baby brother, she grew up as an only child with a single mother in San Diego. There were times she remembered walking children home after babysitting and witnessing SWAT situations. Here she is years later with a degree in marriage, family, and human development, in a stable marriage, the mother of five beautiful children, and living in a small town where she cannot go to Wal-mart without seeing someone she knows. The life she grew up in is vastly different than the life she lives as an adult. She chose to have a big family. She went to school to learn about building effective families. She found the middle ground in her marriage of different personalities and created safety in her relationship. She is a dedicated mother to her kids. She has always been an independent person who fiercely fought for what she desired most- her family. Her wisdom was incredible as she described what she likes to tell new mothers. She wants them to know that they will mess up and that it will be hard. Most importantly- it is going to be ok and it will get easier. What wise words mothers must remember!
A Leukemia Diagnosis
In March of 2016 her son Ben, (now known as Benny Roscoe- Cancer Slayer), was approaching his 3rd birthday. His dad broke his ankle and had to be home from work. Both La Tisha and her husband noticed that Ben’s activity level had diminished and that he spent a lot of time beside his dad who was recovering. One of the things his dad remembers is that Ben used to love to jump on the trampoline and the last weekend before diagnosis Ben simply could not muster the energy to jump. James felt like something was really wrong and although La Tisha knew as well, she was trying so hard to stay in denial. Wouldn’t you? At her husband’s urging, she carried her son who had a racing heart and was a lump in her arms into the doctor Monday morning. The doctor knew immediately what he believed the diagnosis was but refrained from telling La Tisha until after blood work.
A normal hemoglobin level- 12 Ben’s- 2
Normal platelets- 200,000 Ben’s-25,000
Ben’s heart rate- 200 beats/ minute.
Four hours later at the hospital in Utah, Ben’s platelets had dropped to 12,000. She still held out hope that by some miracle it would be something else besides leukemia.
La Tisha describes this day as a day of miracles because of the people that were able to help her get to Utah so fast. Here she is looking for the positive in such a pressing, scary situation. She expressed gratitude for dear friends willing to help in a moment’s notice. As I listened to her describe walking down the hall, that seemed one hundred miles long, carrying her lethargic baby and coming to the door of the Cancer and Transplant Unit at Primary Children’s Hospital, I was devastated for her. From the moment she entered the unit she was surrounded by nurses that enveloped her in love on the worst day of her life. Room 4405 is the room where on April 4th, 2016 Ben was diagnosed with leukemia. At some point between the doctor’s office in Idaho Falls and the hospital in Utah La Tisha figuratively stopped breathing. She started holding her breath as a means to survive as she waits for the other shoe to drop.
Room 4405 is the room where on April 4th, 2016 Ben was diagnosed with leukemia. At some point between the doctor’s office in Idaho Falls and the hospital in Utah La Tisha figuratively stopped breathing. She started holding her breath as a means to survive as she waits for the other shoe to drop.
In the 1960’s the protocol still used in treating childhood leukemia was developed. The survival rate went from 100 percent not surviving to 80-90 percent of kids surviving. With such a high survival rate many people told La Tisha if you had to have a child with cancer, leukemia was the one to get. This doesn’t mean the process is easy, in fact, the process after learning the details seems excruciatingly painful for the child and parent.
Battling through Treatment
Ben’s treatment started with blood transfusions given very slowly because his blood was so thin. After being declared healthy enough for surgery Ben had a surgery to put in a port as well as check for cancer cells in the spine. La Tisha described the first time she had to hand her baby over to the surgeon and how powerless she felt. Moms are made to do everything they can to change our children’s situation and here she was putting her baby’s survival in the surgeon’s hands. She described it as awful. Putting your trust into someone else and knowing as a mother you are not in control -this is a heartbreaking reality for a Mom fighting cancer. Every three months still Ben undergoes surgery and she leaves the operating room after handing him over to the medical professionals and follows the fish on the floor and feeling like it is similar to swimming upstream.
Starting with the first stay in the hospital Ben and his family saw that if anything could go wrong it would. Due to fevers, the first stay predicted to be four days was extended to 10. On day 7 Ben’s counts were worst than day 1. At day thirty after an agonizing induction phase of treatment, most kids are in remission. Ben would not go into remission for four months- August 9th 2016 there were ZERO cancer cells! The constant battle of treatment not going as planned and having Ben become a high-risk case left La Tisha with lots of questions. The question, “is my child going to die?” is by far the worst. Once again, my heart hurt for her as she described this process of fighting for her child, the setbacks, and the unknowns. How simply terrifying.
La Tisha described leukemia as a pool that had been overgrown with yucky algae. Shocking the algae by treating it with all the powerful chemicals clears the pool. That is why remission comes usually within the first 30 days. After that, every effort is made to keep the pool clean so that not one tiny cancer cell can return.
This process of treatment lasts for three and half years. The treatment schedule is grueling.
Some of these phases include:
Induction- Chemo is given to clear all the cancer cells out. As well as steroids that made Ben’s heart race and gain ten pounds in twenty days
Interim Maintenance- every two weeks a galloon size bag of chemo is given over a twenty-four-hour period and then for three days is flushed from his system
Delayed Intensification- the nastiest drugs including “the red devil” is given. These phases are often delayed because of fevers and the need to be admitted to the hospital to get well. It is a constant process of the child needing to be well enough to make him unwell again be proceeding with the treatments to kill the cancer cells.
Right now, Ben is in a maintenance phase where he is given daily, weekly, and monthly chemo meds. As well as every 28 days going to Utah to receive chemo in the hospital. Every third month he goes and receives a lumbar puncture. Leukemia is tricky and can hide. This procedure is to ensure no cancer cells have gotten into his spine/ brain and to put chemo directly into his spine. Can you imagine knowing that to save your child’s life that you have to allow poison to be put into your child’s spine which goes directly to his brain? That degree of hardship is what La Tisha has had to face in this process.
I cannot adequately describe the difficulty of the process. I have tried to give some details to paint a picture of how much it must hurt and how scary it must be to have a child fighting cancer. There are other hardships that go along with a cancer diagnosis, as well.
Keeping Family Together
One of the main difficulties is keeping your family intact as so much time and energy is spent on fighting cancer. Once again, we see how determined La Tisha is because she sat down with her husband at the very beginning and said so many couples don’t make it through their child having cancer. We are going to make it! Through diligence in keeping a connection through decision making and funny meme texts La Tisha has kept her marriage strong. Her other children have had to grow up quickly as more responsibility has fell upon them. La Tisha has also had to be careful to provide balance. She must be there for Ben and acknowledge he gets more of her sometimes, and know that she is the mom to four other kids who need her. She has watched her other children’s goals change as they want to be involved in helping kids with cancer when they grow up.
Another difficulty is the financial hardship. They have been blessed with insurance that provides for most of Ben’s medical needs. La Tisha has seen some families not in that position. It is important to remember and see that although insurance may cover many medical costs there are costs that insurance won’t cover. This includes traveling and meals. Breakfast may cost only five dollars but that quickly adds up when you need to eat lunch and dinner as well for several days in a row.
One of the things that stood out to me was the emotional needs of both the child and the parents. Ben has had to endure trials that most kids his age cannot comprehend. Therefore, emotionally he is on a different level. They have always boosted him up as The Cancer Slayer so that he would not worry. Just recently Ben broke his mother’s heart when he passed by a cemetery and said, “That’s where the kids go who die from their cancer.” That knowledge is burdensome for a five-year-old to carry. He has not had the opportunity to simply be carefree as he has had to face physical hardship and emotional stress. He recently started kindergarten and although his mom feels slightly sad about having to share her buddy with others, she is happy to see him with the same opportunity as other kids. A lot of time has been spent watching electronics because he has not felt well, as well as, missing out on things like church because of avoiding illness.
La Tisha stated she hasn’t been able to breathe. Until treatment ceases she will be watching her son struggle which comes with worry. Different things trigger emotions such as when she sees a new parent with a child just diagnosed or when her friend’s son loses his fight with leukemia. Through the process, she has witnessed pain as well as joy such as when others get to come to the end of treatment. She has had to be the first-hand witness to what the treatment has done physically to her baby as well as worry about potential long-term effects of the treatment.
How Does Mom Survive?
I asked La Tisha how we can best support a family facing a cancer diagnosis (which can apply to any hardship.)
Her answer- DO! Don’t ask but do… bring the meal, do the cleaning, help with laundry, show up at the hospital with lunch. If you ask her what she needs she will tell you she is fine. Find a way that you can personally help and do it. La Tisha expressed deep gratitude for those people who stepped in to help her.
The second thing was she wants people to know she still can’t breathe. Life is not as urgent as is it was right at the beginning, but her family is still facing cancer. Don’t forget that she still has a need for friends, for talking it through and for support. Also, even if she cannot attend or her child cannot don’t make them invisible. Meaning invite her to girl’s night out or invite her child to the activity. They want to know they are seen and valued and loved.
She also wants people to simply be aware. Did you know September is Childhood Cancer Awareness Month? Did you know they have not used any innovation to change the protocols in treating childhood leukemia since the 1960’s? Did you know only a small amount of National Institute of Health’s budget goes to fighting childhood cancers? On April 3, 2016 La Tisha didn’t know either. She was not a cancer Mom. You don’t have to be a cancer Mom to support greater funding and research to fight childhood cancer or to bring awareness to others.
I feel like I am in a sacred space when I hear these stories and learn details of women’s lives. I leave in amazement of their strength. I would like to share with you some things La Tisha has done to survive. The first is she acknowledges she doesn’t have a choice. This is the trial she has been given and the only thing you can do is survive for yourself, your husband, your kids, and especially your child who is going through treatment. She has found ways to provide self-care. As a child, she learned to love reading and she ensures that she still has time to get lost in a good book. She allowed truth to exist outside of her by writing and expressing her experience. She has relied on friends who have become like family. She has such a grateful spirit. A powerful experience for her was to attend a family camp for families with children fighting cancer called Camp Rainbow Gold. There she was able to find people who understood what it feels like to be in this battle. They shared tears of sadness and stories of triumph. She found support in others who could relate to her on a deep level. She found with other fighters the best family of which no one wants to join. She became friends with the doctors and nurses. One of the most impressive things she said was that she became an advocate for her child. I asked her how that happened, and she described that the nurses at Primary Children’s Hospital told her that she was the mom, that she knew her child best and to speak up. Primary Children’s dignified approach to a three-member team- medical professionals, the parents, and the patient has helped guide the journey to the best outcomes and decisions for all involved. Faith has also played a strong role in her survival through this tough time.
“One day you will look back and realize how brave and heroic you were in this time of your life.” S.C. Lourie
When La Tisha said, “why not us” I was blown away at her positivity. La Tisha talks about knowing that there is a reason her family has faced this. She believes (and I do too) that she will be able to add goodness to the world because she knows what it is like to face difficulty. She knows she will be able to help others one day. Her strength and courage are heroic. She inspires me to find more ways to be grateful in my life amidst difficulties, to find ways to serve others in their pain and to create the life I want. Within all the heartache and worry she is a shining example of creating stability and connection within her family. Which in my opinion is crazy admirable!
She said- “Look for the good in the world and then look to find the ways you can make it even better.”
I look forward to the day, which is August 5th, 2019, when Ben’s treatment is completed and La Tisha can take a breath knowing she survived while heroically shining light and goodness into the world.
Read more from Kimberly’s ‘Leaning In’ series:
Leaning In: Exploring the Hearts and Stories of Southeast Idaho Women
