Life is never how we think it will be. I never thought of adoption growing up, didn’t really know much about it even. So after 14 years of infertility treatments and multiple docs and still not really having a diagnosis we were at a loss. One Sunday at church the combined lesson was on adoption and the gentleman made the comment that ‘just because of the limitations of the body does not mean this baby was not meant to be part of your family.’ This was a very helpful message for both of us, yet much more meaningful for my hubs. (Adoption is traditionally harder for men to accept than women)

We decided on adoption

So we started looking into options, adoption attorney, adoption service, etc. I did have some skepticism towards adoption from witnessing a potential adoption thru a coworker. It literally became a bidding situation by the birth mother as in who offers me the best deal. My coworker backed out of it because of this. Also, the thought of a $25k-$30k price, nearly 18yrs ago, was scary. We made phone calls, got recommendations, etc. Let’s face it, we all have heard horror stories or disappointing stories of adoption and that makes it difficult to make the choice to adopt. No one wants to get hurt, especially emotionally hurt, no one wants to form an emotional attachment and have that removed, adoption is scary, yet wonderful.

For some that means they will choose international adoption to avoid the possibility of a biological parent changing their mind. Now, the country you adopt from can freeze all adoptions at a moments notice if they choose. Some choose domestic to avoid the additional paperwork, waiting time and multiple visits to a country prior to adopting. Costwise & process time they are both similar, it’s a choice you make after doing your research. Both domestic and international adoptions have their “pitfalls” so do your research so you are aware.

Finally, we felt the best with LDS Family Services. (Note: currently Family Services no longer does adoptions, they offer counsel and recommendations) The very long process began. Trust me, you learn a lot about yourself, your spouse and your marriage during this process, no matter domestic or international, open or closed. An open adoption is just that, open, all parties get to know the others, and after the adoption there is still open communication, can even be visits etc. Closed is, after adoption that all stops. Ours was somewhat open. We never knew last names or exact location of our birthmom.

How long from the start of the process to the end? Over 3 years for us. Actually we had made the decision to stop this whole thing. It was draining and an emotional roller coaster. We thought its just going to be us and our dogs. We just never called our counselor to tell him to pull our file, biggest blessing for procrastinating!

We got the call

Mother’s Day we had gone for a drive. If you have ever suffered from any type of infertility you know how difficult that day can be. Anyway we got home somewhat late and had a voicemail to call our counselor no matter the time, it was late, yet we called and as they say, our whole life changed. Our file had been chosen and we had a conference call the next evening. Then panic struck! How do you convince someone over the phone, especially a 15 year old that finds herself pregnant, that you are THE couple to choose! First and foremost you need to understand our birthmother would have been an amazing mother, as most birthmoms would be. The assumption that adoptive parents are somehow saving a child is wrong. Yes, in some cases this is true but this is the minority. The adoptive parents are the ones who are saved.

So after our conference call, we had a date selected for a face to face meeting to confirm her choice. We also found out she was almost 6 months along. As for the birthfather, he had chosen to have no involvement at all. So many prayers happened during this time, from us, family, and friends. I thought the initial process was a roller coaster, this waiting process was a whole other level. We made plans for the face to face meeting which came quickly. We traveled to another state for this meeting and let me tell you – it was a nerve wracking drive. We met with our birth mom and her aunt, and just talked about each other’s lives. Lots of questions asked and answered on both sides. I am very grateful for that opportunity, I gained a new perspective and appreciation for birthmoms. The drive home was totally different – so much excitement. We had a baby name book and talked names, now the only thing to do was wait, oh and get a nursery ready and prepare for a newborn in a little over a month. Now during all of this time, the birthmom has the choice to change her mind.

Because our birthmom lived in another state we would need to travel to this state once the baby was born and the 72 hr mandatory period was up, we would also need to stay there until the paperwork was processed with that state and approved, otherwise it’s basically kidnapping. Plans were made to accommodate this. Now as for our friends and family- family was told along with a couple very close friends.

We knew her due date, which was close to Fathers Day, so we waited to hear. We got the call on Father’s Day that a little girl had been born a few days earlier. So Monday morning we waited to get the official call that we could leave. Basically, this is where LDS Family Services actually pick up the baby and we meet them. This process was specific to adopting thru them, depending on the type and requirements made by the service you choose to adopt through.

We met our daughter

Our call arrived and on the road we went! Long drive ahead for us and we were so scared during this drive. We arrived in the evening and met our 4 day old daughter for the first time.

I honestly cannot describe this meeting to this day. I still become overwhelmed with emotion 18 years later. Our daughter was meant to be a part of our family, I have no doubt of this.

Is adoption right for you? Only you can make that decision, research and talking to adoptive parents is the best thing you can do.