Last January, I went through a round of bad luck with things breaking; it got so bad that I joked I shouldn’t touch things because everything I touched seemed to die. Included in the long list of problems was my mini-van. It had issues with its alternator and one of the sliding doors. It spent a few weeks in our garage while my husband got everything working again.
With all this bad luck going on I was grateful for our second car – a midsize SUV that rarely had problems. My husband and I had bought the car nine years earlier and it had been reliable all that time. I could count on one hand the amount of times that car hadn’t started… and most of those times involved me doing dumb stuff like leaving the dome light on overnight.
But one day, I tried to start that car and it wouldn’t even make a noise. The car had worked perfectly on the way to a friend’s house to practice singing for our church choir. I’d been there for about an hour, but that hour was long enough that I couldn’t get the car to do anything..
I felt betrayed. Even my super reliable car was succumbing to my round of bad luck.
I realized that the car was beeping every time I opened the door-it was like the car still thought the keys were in the ignition. After a few minutes, I discovered the problem; the keys weren’t able to move into the “off” position since they were stuck in the “axillary power” position. The car must have been in that position the whole time I was practicing, and so the battery had run down.
(If you are wondering how it was possible to take the keys out of the car when they weren’t in the “off” position . . . well we’d had issues with the ignition cylinder about a year earlier. My husband did some creative things with the ignition cylinder so the keys could go in and out of the ignition no matter what.)
I went back into my friend’s house and asked if I could get a jump for my car. Immediately, two guys were helping me out… but the jump didn’t work. The car still didn’t start.
The two guys thought there had to be something wrong with the starter. I thought it had something to do with the ignition cylinder. The starter having a problem was just too out of character for this car. We were out of my depth so I said my husband would come have a look at it.
I got a ride home. My husband walked over a little bit later to see what was wrong with the car and within a few minutes I got a text from him. It said, “the car works. I’ll tell you what was wrong when I get home.”
When he drove the car back, he had me sit behind the wheel. He said, “Can you see what the problem is?”
I couldn’t see anything out of the ordinary.
“Look what gear you’re in.”
The car was in Drive. Not Park.
He had me shift the car into Park and then try to start the car. It started right up.
Somehow I hadn’t remembered to shift the car into Park when I got to my friend’s house. Since the keys come out of the ignition easily, I’d been able to pull them out while still in Drive. I’d parked on a super level spot on the driveway and put the parking brake on, and hadn’t noticed the car roll or anything. Since no one considered that the car could still be in Drive, no one even thought to check that while trying to jump it.
I thought about this experience over the next few weeks, especially since I was feeling tired and not really interested in any big goals like I usually was.
I realized that I was kind of like my car. I was trying to start while I was in Drive. I needed to shift into Park for a while and then maybe I’d be able to get started again.
Shifting into Park became my unofficial goal for the year. I didn’t take on any big projects. In fact, I had a strict “no new project rule.” (I broke it about three times, but that was better than taking on 10 new projects like I probably would have without the rule.) I gave up a few activities and responsibilities that were causing me more stress than enjoyment. I took naps without apology.
Then I realized just how crazy the previous few years had been: my family had moved a few months before 2020 and we’d just been finding our feet when everything shut down for Covid. I homeschooled my kids during the 2020-21 school year. The next year I went back to school with an online university and earned a second bachelor’s degree in a year. I was also working part-time at a growing company amid all of it.
It was time to stop for a while and catch my breath. Find my center. To pause and reset. To metaphorically shift into Park.
After a year of rest and simplicity (or at least as much rest and simplicity a mom of four can have) I feel so much better. I’ve been able to find things that feed my soul rather than drain me. I’m able to focus on my children and my husband better – rather than just run around doing all the “important” things that were making us all miserable. I’ve found that I do have energy for some bigger projects again . . . but I’m more choosy about actually doing those things.
I encourage you to look at your life and see what gear you are in. Do things seem extra hard to do lately? Are you trying to start while you are in Drive? Do you need to take some time to shift into Park before you can get started again?
