Since having my second child, I have struggled to feel peace during the day. I have often felt like the only chance I have to catch my breath is after my kids go to sleep. My expectations simply haven’t complemented the current phase of life that I’m in at the time (two toddlers and working part-time).
A few months ago, I read the insight of another mother on social media that completely shifted my perspective on motherhood and homemaking.
She said, “As a parent, you can have a productive day, a restful day, or a fun day; but you can’t have all three.” (I wish I could give credit to the original idea, but I don’t remember where I saw it!)
Lately, I have been applying this mindset to my day-to-day life, and it has been helpful. I find myself feeling more at ease during the day, and I attribute that to shifting my perspective to choose one of these three focuses for the day: Productivity, fun, or rest.
Choosing My Focus for the Day
Productive Days: Cleaning, errands, laundry, home maintenance, chores, work from home, etc.
On these days, I’m more likely to hire a babysitter for a couple of hours so I can get things done or ask my husband (if he’s around) to watch the kids while I work. These are also the days that I might ask the kids to do chores with me or assign them their own age-appropriate jobs around the home. I typically choose “productive” days when I am feeling more overwhelmed in my environment and need to make a change… or when I am unable to rest or have fun because my surroundings are too chaotic.
Fun days: Library, park, treats, baking, crafts, etc.
On these days, I am more likely to say “yes” to my kids when they ask to do things. We might get a treat from the gas station or a fun drink on our way to town, and we will probably leave the house, socialize with others, make crafts, bake together, and/or make messes. I’m much less likely to “clean as I go” or turn on a show for the kids to watch so I can accomplish tasks.
Restful days: Spending time together watching movies, going on walks, taking naps, staying home, etc.
On days when I want to rest, I allow myself to say to my kids “I know you want to play with me. I’m taking a little break right now and then we can play later!” I’m okay if that disappoints them for the time being because I know that I have to prioritize my own rest at times, which is completely normal and okay to do!
If You’re the Planning Type
When I think ahead, I will plan my week to reflect my priorities for each day: I make a flexible outline of my ideal plan for the week. I map out what I have going on each day, fill in the weekly tasks, plan for fun, and try to squeeze in some time to rest. “Rest” as an adult and mother is almost comical, but it’s something that simply needs to be prioritized at times!
Some Guidelines
Choosing a focus for the day doesn’t mean that I only do that thing all day. For me, choosing a focus simply cuts out some of the noise in my over-active brain and gives me permission to let some things go.
As an example, if I schedule or decide to have a “fun” day, I am still able to run errands or do dishes. If something comes up, though, or my kids are struggling with the structure, I abandon my work and focus on fun. The same goes for if I declare a productive day or a restful day; it’s less of a rigid set of rules and more of a flexible focus.
This can be used on a weekly, daily, or hourly basis. Typically, I will choose a focus for the entire day but I have also set different intentions for partial days.
When choosing what I would like to focus on, I have to be flexible. I have to give myself grace. I know that things will likely not go to plan, and that’s something that I have come to accept.
“The homeliest tasks get beautified if loving hands do them.” — Louisa May Alcott
I’ve come to accept that this phase of my life is less restful and less productive than other phases might be. In reality, most of my days will be focused on doing what will be best for my kids; and a lot of the time that looks more “fun”.
I have learned that setting a focus for the day, regardless of the focus, is always productive.
