A lot of mothers deal with societal guilt in entering the workforce either part or full-time. It’s frustrating, especially with prices rising, that we’re expected to keep our families comfortable but only one parent can ‘acceptably’ work at a time. Please don’t misunderstand, I fully believe that mothers should be able to work if they’d like and that fathers can stay at home. After all, that’s what we do.
After having our second daughter, there was a sudden and keen realization that motherhood is harder for me to handle when I’m at home all day. The attempt to do so brought headaches, annoyances, a dislike of remaining at the house, and a desire to escape the children far more often than I care to admit… and that was by the end of Monday night.
After a long talk, Phillip and I decided that it was wiser to switch roles. I would work from home as an English paper grader while he’d be the full-time parent and caregiver to the kids.
The switch was hard.
Neither of our children understood why Mommy had to stay in the bedroom on the computer all day, Daddy had to deal with the generational stigma of being the stay-at-home dad (we still deal with this, which is a crying shame), and Mommy experienced a lot of guilt in being the person working and not with the kids.
Society is changing and moving in a direction that a lot of people don’t like. Fathers are staying home while mothers go to work, both parents are working and ask daycares or preschools to help watch their children, and yet there is still an idea that men and women have their prescribed places as they have for many, many years. We still hear commentary about Phillip needing to get a job when his full-time job is keeping our kids alive, and it’s perhaps the most frustrating thing!
So, if you’re a mom who is working, this is a note for you.
You are amazing for sacrificing in this way.
It’s not easy walking away from your kiddos, even when you know you’re going to come back. Spending the day doing things to make money when you have someone else watching them, be it your spouse or a hired professional, is long and exhausting. I know that you think about them and cherish the images and videos you receive from time to time. You’re doing hard work, and while your kids and people around you may not understand, you’re doing so very important.
You’re not a bad mom.
Mom guilt is a real and awful thing. You’re not a bad mother for hiring people to help you take care of your kids, just like you’re not a bad mom for wanting to return to the life that you remember from before your kids. Things are different now, and that’s okay; you love your children and want the best for them, and sometimes that means recognizing where your strengths and pitfalls are to keep your family functioning in an efficient, loving way. Your kids will love you regardless of your job status, and that’s the important thing.
They will understand in time.
Transitions are hard, especially if it’s a new transition while your family is older. Growth is often uncomfortable and people don’t like uncomfortable situations; it’s important to allow for these moments to shape us and those around us. When returning to the workforce, it can be daunting to come home and have other things to do. This is where the change comes in, as your kids will begin to see your strength and resilience and will want to be like you. Ask them to help out, explain what you do for work, and share moments with them. Working as a mom doesn’t need to bring burnout to your home life, as home is where the heart is. Your children will understand why you’re doing whatever it is you do as you show them the growth that it brings you and them alike. Settle for a meal, talk about your day, and continue to be a family even in this potential difference.
Remember: you are a superhero.
There isn’t enough credit for moms (parents, in general!) who enter the workforce to make a better life for their families. There isn’t enough credit for you bringing life into the world, experiencing labor pains, the frustration of teething, the annoyance of tantrums, the countless nights of sleeplessness as your kid is sick, or the worry that teenagers bring as they go out with friends. You’ve done all of these things and more; you’re amazing for doing so.
Regardless of your work status, know that the children in your life love you and know that, regardless of your choices in how supporting your family looks, you are a superhero.
