The holidays are a magical time where the kids are filled with holiday cheer, the house is decorated with sentiments of the season, families are gathering, and traditions are like the glue that holds the holidays together.
Until it isn’t.
My oldest is only five, and yet I feel such overwhelming pressure to make the holidays magical and memorable for my kids that I’m beginning to dread their arrival.
Some of my friends have started decorating their houses for Halloween, and I’m still clutching onto the hope that summer is just on a quick hiatus and will be back before we know it. As I am writing this, my oldest is singing Jingle Bells and all I am hearing is a death march.
There are a lot of pressures on parents during the holidays. To decorate your house perfectly with sweater-patterned pumpkins, pilgrims, and turkeys, and then turn around and pull out your Santa statues all within a whirl-wind two and a half months. I’m not gonna lie. I’ve had unfolded laundry and empty water bottles sitting in my room longer than I leave my Halloween, Thanksgiving, or Christmas décor up.
There is pressure to make the treats, deliver the treats, carol to the neighbors awkwardly with the treats. Pressure to have matching costumes. Pressure to have new costumes in general. Pressure to have the good candy at Halloween, to serve the nice meal at Thanksgiving, and to check off the list of desired presents at Christmas. Carving pumpkins not too early, but not too late. Getting to a pumpkin patch in general!
Pressure to spend all the money and do all things, or heaven forbid the holidays are amuck. Checking off all of the boxes of “memorable holiday family moments” that we hope our kids love and that ensure we are doing a “good job” of parenting.
And without fail, I personally spend most of the actual holiday grouchy. Grouchy because it isn’t perfect, the house wasn’t completely cleaned before company came, my kids weren’t listening, we were running late, my bank account is feeling tight, or I’ve finally succumbed to the pressure and want to throw in the towel on all of it. Have you experienced this too? Despite how hard I try to sit back and enjoy the holidays, there are still a million things on my mind.
This year, I am making it a personal goal to relax on my expectations. When I honestly reflect on what my kids expect of me during the holidays, I know that they want to help decorate the house, they want to dress up as their favorite character to trick-or-treat, and they want presents and candy. All else is really a bonus point – but is it actually a bonus point if I am huffing and puffing the entire time because it didn’t go down how I expected it to?
As I plan for the overwhelming three months of holiday magic, I am giving myself grace. Grace to decide that this year we don’t need to cling on to a tradition that causes more stress than good. Grace to step back and buy costumes or presents from a thrift store or exchange with a neighbor instead of the brand-new, wallet-gouging ones. Grace to ask someone else for help. Grace to say no to requests. Grace for when my house is messy, hopefully recognizing that everyone’s house gets messy and no one actually cares. But most importantly, grace to put down my ego and ask my family what they actually want to do during the holiday season, and then try to do it.
