The thought of “New Year, New Me” after 2020 seems laughable.
New year’s resolutions in the past have been my way of creating a ‘best-case-scenario-Alex’ and putting it down onto paper. The Alex that would wash her face more than once a week and would suddenly be very into healthy eating and clean living; the kind of girl that would magically slough off her laziness overnight. Ah, ‘best-case-scenario-Alex’ would totally have her life put together and everybody would know it.
In January of 2020, my sisters and I challenged each other to create 20 goals for 2020. I found myself dreaming of all I could really accomplish during my first year as a stay-at-home mom with no obligations to the outside world. I just found the piece of paper that I had written down my goals on (and then hastily stowed away in April when I realized that 2020 wasn’t the year for growing, but for surviving). Not only would ‘best-case-scenario-Alex’ get her life together, but she would grab life by the horns and be a boss babe with a side-hustle. She would have a hefty savings account despite not having a job. It seemed like I had planned for my final 2020 form to be unrecognizable against my January self.
I AM a to-do list sort of girl, so my past perceptions of New Year’s Resolutions have always interested me. Normally, my to-do list is what I can reasonably accomplish over the course of a day or two. If I am cleaning my house, I know that I probably won’t wash and fold all of my laundry in one day, so I make those separate points on a list.
But for some reason January rolls around and I find the goals I set to be too high and mighty to be reasonable, with the expectation for myself to change suddenly overnight. In 2020, I truly wanted to fit the mindset of “New Year, New Me”. So much so, that I created a picture of myself in my head that just isn’t attainable.
I am never going to be the girl that turns down dessert or does a juice cleanse for a week. I firmly believe in all things with moderation. And my kids tell me all the time that God made people not like lettuce, so what is a girl to do?
I am never going to be the girl that puts on makeup or does my hair regularly. I literally never have been.
I am not going to suddenly drop weight when I hate cardio and prefer lifting.
It amazes me how January 1st hits and all of these weird insecurities that I don’t feel on an average day suddenly come flooding in. Am I intelligent enough? Do I need to read more books? Am I accomplishing enough? Am I looking a certain way? Are my kids getting everything they need?
2020 was a year that was hard in general. It was a stretching year for sure, where many of us were doing all that was necessary to survive. But in a way, it was also a learning year for me. My worth does not depend on if I accomplish a crazy list of personal goals. Just because I don’t finish everything (or a single thing on the list) doesn’t mean that I wasted my year.
So as January rolls around again this year, I am looking at this crazy 2020 laundry list and figuring out what sticks. And the truth is… none of it does.
Here are the goals I have actually written down for 2021, with grace for myself, and an understanding that ‘best-case-scenario-Alex’ is really not my best-case scenario. Instead, I’ve selected goals that speak to me where I am, that feel fitting for the times, and that I would hope to attain whether it was January or November, with the realization that having a bad day is perfectly acceptable. I wrote down these goals while at a military seminar with my husband, so they are focused on being a better spouse, but I am directing them towards the world at large.
- Attention Goals: communicate with my spouse/friends/family when I need or want attention.
- Attention Goals: use my phone less when I am bored. Find something else to do instead.
- Communication Goals: communicate my desired outcomes for conversations, whether I am wanting a soundboard, a problem-solving session, or a vent session. This is a critical goal for my problem-solving husband and me in order to more effectively communicate and actually hear each other.
- Communication Goals: make a greater effort to communicate when apart from those that I love or have feelings of disconnection.
- Communication Goals: give people the right to speak. Interrupt less.
- Connection Goals: fill other people’s tanks with purpose. Do not people please.
- Resolution Goal: more quickly and efficiently process my thoughts and feelings towards a resolution when I feel discouraged or angry.
Steal one or all of these goals. Move forward recognizing that ‘best-case-scenario-You’ should not come from feelings of failure, loneliness, despair, pressure, or disappointment. Do not feel like you have to lose 20 pounds or dress a certain way to have more value or worth. Do not feel that if you are not hustling, you are being left behind.
I know I needed to hear these words this January. Especially when January is knee-deep into dieting commercials and self-improvement books, unsolicited advice from influencers, and the seemingly nation-wide consensus that if you aren’t making a crazy list of goals, you are somehow leaving yourself worse off.
