As a Mexican American, I have struggled with feeling like I don’t belong.
I get this feeling of being out of place occasionally but, as an adult, I have felt it more around the holidays. With Halloween around the corner, I am beginning to feel like that again.
Growing up, I don’t remember my parents doing anything for the Day of the Dead but I do remember dressing up for Halloween and Trick or Treating.
I learned about the Day of the Dead in Spanish Class in high school. I remember thinking that it was cool and felt like a fraud for not knowing about that part of my culture. The thing is, I would go to Mexico as a child with my family either during the summer or Christmas vacation, so I wouldn’t have known about The Day of the Dead unless it was something I would see around me… which it wasn’t. I’m not sure why that was not something my parents did or taught us about our Mexican culture, but it wasn’t.
Now as an adult my mother has started a bit of a tradition for the Day of the Dead. She makes Pan de Muerto (Bread of the Dead) and we join her in making i
t and decorating the bread if we can. She also makes sure to get her ofrenda up before Halloween so it is ready for our loved ones to visit and enjoy their favorites.
If you are like me and know very little about the Day of the Dead or have gotten your knowledge about this beautiful celebration from Disney’s Coco or The Book of Life; let me tell you that it is a two day celebration, not one.
It is believed that November 1st is specifically to honor the little angels who have passed away, infants & children. November 2nd is
to honor the adults who have passed away. As an adult seeing more of the ofrendas being put up, I hear stories of the loved ones who have passed and see the love that was put into the ofrendas and the meals being set out for when the dead visit.
Even though I see some start to put up their ofrendas, I think it is beautiful to see my mother’s ofrenda and how her ofrendas decorations grow every year. It is nice to see my mother’s ofrenda set up with my grandparents’ photos along with their favorite drink, meals, and snacks. 
My daughter is four and is at the age where she is curious about everything and asks a million and 1 questions. Every time we go to my parents’ home she asks who is who in their pictures around the house and it will be neat to have her see my mothers ofrenda and to have her see and experience a little bit of my culture. It is something I did not experience growing up but want her to grow up knowing more about.
I do think that the Day of the Dead celebrations and ofrendas are beautiful, but I myself don’t feel compelled to set one up in my home. At least, not yet.
I don’t know if it’s because it’s something I didn’t grow up with so it feels weird and unnatural to do so or well, I’m not sure. For now I am okay experiencing the Day of the Dead with my daughter via my mother and mother-in-law.
I don’t want to lose my Mexican culture but at the same time I want to remain true to what I feel comfortable with. And sometimes I feel like that may seem like I am not really “Mexican”. Not only do I feel imposter syndrome in my business or career, but also in my culture.
Sharing this, I feel vulnerable. I have not been open about how conflicted I feel about being Mexican American and feeling like I am betraying one or the other. With me being vulnerable and open with my identity as a Mexican American and the culture struggles I face, I hope that I can find others facing the same struggles as myself and learn to find what feels natural and good to myself personally and let others know that they are not alone.
